Sometimes I just sit here. I try not to even think. I feel like I’m dead…like such a big part of me is dead. I still wish we could all die, but I don’t have the courage to kill us all. I know we could all be together in heaven, so who cares. Everyone left here could see how I feel then. Broken. Sad. Done. Lied to. Manipulated. Tricked. The more I look at pictures of you, the more I see a diseased person. A person who did not look well. A person who appeared to be dying of cancer. A long time ago you looked good, here and there you looked well. A lot of times you didn’t. You looked horrible at our wedding. You so did not ever handle stress well. I do hate you a lot. I feel like you are a big loser and you didn’t try. I hate that your family doesn’t see the truth about you. I don’t know what it’s gonna take for me to be happy. I want us to be happy again. I want to be loved. I want to love. For now and maybe forever I will love my kids so damn much it will burst my heart open. I hope they feel the same way. Thank God for them. I truly desire peace and happiness for us. Lord please give us respite in your Sacred Heart. Forgive me for being angry and hateful towards a sick man who hurt us so deeply that we may not recover.
- ► 2012 (109)