February 9, 2012

Chardonnay

It’s Chardonnay night!  WOOHOO!

It started only a couple months ago, by my wonderful friends who knew I needed a little boost before the holidays.  The truth is, I don’t think any of us even drink Chardonnay.  I drink vodka.  Some drink martinis.  Some drink red wine.  It’s only important that you do drink.  Heavily.  “Chardonnay” is actually my alter ego.  You see, when your life becomes so surreal that it doesn’t even seem like your own, I think inventing an alter ego is the way to go.  That way you can just blame her.  I highly recommend it.  A year from now I will most certainly blame her that I blogged all this just to see if I really want to or even could be a writer.  Anyway, I have my dear cousin to thank, actually, for most of it.   A few months after Dave died I decided that I needed to start getting dressed in real clothes every day, and wearing make up again.  I needed a haircut really bad.  I’d probably lost 10 lbs., and really I don’t have much extra fat to lose in the first place.  Now don’t be jealous.  Remember, you don’t want this life people!  So I dragged myself down to the shop for a cut.  We cried a lot, and we talked a lot, and she cut, and cut, and cut.  Before she started cutting, she put her hands on my shoulders and said in a voice like she was telling me a secret, “Listen, hair holds energy…we have to cut it off!” Oh my goodness.  I had no idea.  Off with it, then, quickly!  My new do was fabulous, because she is fabulous and she loves me, and it had unintended results.  Those awkward moments, when you run into people for the 4th or 5th time since…the incident.  They weren’t so awkward anymore.  You know, the first few times, all you can do is cry and hug.  But then you know you can’t keep doing that.  It’s too painful to keep doing that.  And the kids were looking.  Other people far away would cry. At some point, you have to try to be…normal.   Suddenly they had something to say in that awkward moment!  “Your hair!!! OMG!!! It’s fabulous!!!”  So a few days after we got rid of the ‘bad energy’ on my head,  I was cruising down the street after picking up the kids.  At a red light, someone next to me honks the horn.  I look over and Lori, one of the muthas, screams, “OMG!! Your Hair!! It’s fabulous!”  I just laughed and said, yeah, well, my life was getting a li’l too sucky, I’m trying out being someone else.  “Chardonnay!” she screams as she takes off….”Chardonnayyyyyyyy!!!”.  And so she was born.  It was much more fun to be Chardonnay when I walked into a crowded room than it was to be the sad widow.  So many times I have not gone somewhere because I just couldn’t muster the energy of being the sad widow.  I much rather laugh and joke about Chardonnay than be the miserable little skeleton that I actually was.  Or am?  Guess it depends on the day.  And Chardonnay.

And so tonight, everyone is picking an alter ego name.  And it won’t be called Chardonnay night every time.  Because it’s not about me.  It’s about the muthas.  Those arriving without a name will have a name assigned.  I’ve looked up a few.  In fact, I just took a quiz online.  I was given the name Lioncat.  Probably because I said I love fur even though it’s murderous (in my defense the only mink I own is vintage) and I want to marry someone who will die quickly and leave me millions (what…this surprises you??)

We muthas….we need this.  I hope we’re still doing this when we’re sixty.

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