February 10, 2012

Goose head

So, I’m kinda…fuzzy today.  I have this odd feeling.  Sorta like there’s this big, I don’t know, Grey Goose on my head.  All day.  Can’t figure it out.  Its heavy and I keep having to nap because of it.

I did have to venture out to Lowes earlier.  My shower head is squirting water from all different directions, none of them conveniently located in the shower.  There is a stream that comes out under the shower head, but it feels more like a pressure washer than a shower head, so while I do like to exfoliate every now and again, I’ve been avoiding this conveniently located but rather powerful stream amidst worries about having some of my skin stripped away.  There is a nice soft stream that sort of drips down the back of the shower.  If you press your body all the way against the shower wall, you can get some of that.   Anyway, when this goose gets off my head I’m going to get my Chardonnay tool belt out and see if I can change this shower head.  The package says it’s very easy.  I’m predicting that may not be true and I may even take a pill that makes me nice before attempting.

While on the way to Lowes, I was offered driving directions, tips, and instructions by my 5 year old.  While we were stuck in traffic he was showing me how I could just ‘turn here’ or ‘just go’.  He continued to do this even though I carefully explained that I was indeed very smart and also a good driver, completely familiar with where we are going and the quickest route to get there. I was wishing I could be that mutha from the Incredibles, the one who can pinch her kids from really far away with those handy stretchy arms.

When we got back home he sassed a good bit more, while simultaneously spilling a whole yogurt drink on the floor.  Thankfully for him, the goose was causing me to be in slow motion, so I did nothing except to say, ‘go get in your bed right now’ through gritted teeth.  Since I smoked a little last night, my voice is sort of mannish.  I wish I could keep the man voice, because it is a super pitch for scaring children.  My Florida friends will be disappointed right now if I don’t call this voice by its rightful name…which is Emma.  If you are from the South, you probably knew an Emma as a child.  She likely lived down the street from you.  She may have been friends with your mother.  She wore gold ballet shoes and very bright lipstick.  She smoked.  A lot.  And she was such a talented smoker that the ash on her cigarette was always extremely long.  She never had to flick it.  And it never fell.  Her voice was deep and husky.  Emma.

So anyway, all the muthas have cute alter ego names.  Some are variations on favorite drinks and some involve fun words like penis and panties.  I will not share the stripper names because I think teachers might be reading this.   A super fun time was had by all, and we are possibly getting famous, which may require us to wear wigs next time.  Also, next time we may bring our own music, because we were pretty sure we were the only ones who could hear it

I’m leaving you with a little Pink Floyd, which made me cry hard in the carpool line today:

So, so you think you can tell
Heaven from Hell,
Blue sky's from pain.
Can you tell a green field
From a cold steel rail?
A smile from a veil?
Do you think you can tell?

And did they get you to trade
Your heroes for ghosts?
Hot ashes for trees?
Hot air for a cool breeze?
Cold comfort for change?
And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?

How I wish, how I wish you were here.
We're just two lost souls
Swimming in a fish bowl,
Year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
And how we found
The same old fears.
Wish you were here.


  1. I'm loving your story, that's not to say I'm sorry for the tragedy your family is going through.....this song..this song right here, put it in your heart.

  2. That song has always been one of my favorites but holds special meaning to myself & my family & friends since we had a friend take his own life a few years ago. My youngest brother was close to him & at the memorial (at a local dive bar that they all frequented) this song came on. It was requested by friends but at the same time, no one wanted to hear it. My brother, who I've always been close to but doesn't really show much emotion around me, held me tight as the song came on & sobbed into my chest. It hurt so bad to hold him close & know that he had no idea how to handle this pain. This pain that no one could handle. Our friend left behind a young wife & two beautiful little girls who look just like him. The second I started to read the lyrics in this post, my heart sunk & it took me right back to that day...
    I just read about you on Hot Mess Mom on FB & have been reading all your posts from the beginning. I pray you have found some sort of peace in your heart...Thank you for your brutal honesty. It's refreshing to read REAL feelings but so painful to read at the same time.