February 15, 2012

PTSD


Not much to say today, except that our dinner was fabulous last night, and I’m so tired.  Ya hurd me?  I’m.so.damned.tired.  Don’t even try to say you are tired too…because you’ve never been this tired.  This is ridiculous.  It's not a lack of sleep tired.  I slept in spite of the fact that middle darling barked like a seal most of the night from croup.  No...this is more of a........a lack-of-a-normal-life tired.  This morning I’m thinking about how I think we all have PTSD, as in Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.  I first noticed a few months ago that my kids were overly freaking out about loud noises.  They don’t like anything loud (except for their own screaming voices, which unfortunately don’t bother them.)  It was suggested they may have PTSD.  Whatever. I’m sure we could be diagnosed with all sorts of things right now.  We just ain’t right.  No surprise there.  Then the other day at a basketball game the buzzer sounded to end the quarter, and I’m not kidding, I think I may have had a mini-stroke.  I had to peel myself off the ceiling tiles, I jumped so high.  It was sort of embarrassing.  My sister made a weird face at me, a face like ‘I’m sort of embarrassed of you, weirdo, WTF are you doing?’  What?  I got scared.  I guess that is pretty weird to be that scared of a buzzer.  Last week a few people asked me if I lightened my hair.  I don't color my hair, so this alarmed me.  It alarmed me because I remember reading that Barbara Bush's hair turned white due to the death of her daughter.  I keep checking it.  This morning, while I was standing with platform sparkly flip flops on a high bar stool putting away champagne glasses from last night, I heard a really loud THUD, followed by a high pitched-I’m-not-kidding-I’m-very-hurt CRY.  My heart stopped, I ran to the playroom so fast, and found the baby pinned under the TV.  He had quietly climbed onto the cabinet and somehow pulled the TV down onto his leg. Middle darling played some part in this because he kept saying “He was holding my hand.” OMG.  The biggest bruise ever on his little baby leg.  Thinking about how much worse that could have been just makes my head spin.  Someone already told me they know a kid who was in a coma for 2 days because of a TV falling on them.  Really?  Because when I tell you I can’t take another fucking thing, I am so not kidding.  I am just done.   Kaput.  I have never had such an overwhelming intolerance to stress in my life. 

1 comment:

  1. I am going through this oh my God I feel like I am going nuts I have 2 daughters. my husband died I had to watch him die infringe of me, I have had years of physical abuse as a child and sexual abuse and my therapist thinks I have PTSD. I feel like I am nuts I can not take another stress at all. I am going to lose it.

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