February 7, 2012

The Sister's Prayer

I was cooking eggs this morning when I heard the middle darling giggle from behind me and say “Try to spit in my shirt”.  What?  I turned around to find him sitting on the floor, with his knees tucked into his shirt, the neck of the shirt was stretched far and wide, a huge gaping stretched out hole.  The baby was standing in front of him, also giggling wildly, and he was spitting into the hole.  Really?  I said nothing.  There wasn’t much to say.  I would never break up a giggle.  I only do that when the word ‘fart nugget’ is being used to much.  It’s just too gross.  This is such a typical scene…not this exact scene….but one like it, it seems, is always occurring.  Something struck me in that moment.  Maybe it was the golden tablets.  They are happy.  Sure I spent the morning wrestling with the baby.  We wrestled over taking off his diaper.  We wrestled over his pop tart after I stepped barefoot on a piece of the fruity goo, because he wanted to walk around and eat it naked while leaving a crumb trail.  We wrestled over brushing his teeth. We wrestled over putting on his diaper, especially since he was naked in my bed and the sheets are still clean.  As you know, clean sheets are a magnet to vomiting, diarrhea kids with snot noses, chocolate on their lips and mustard on their hands.  Not that he was any of those things in that moment, but I know how quickly they become those things when they get near my sheets.   I detected something, though, during the wrestling matches.  He was almost…laughing.  He wasn’t crying and hyperventilating and looking like Chuckie.  He was kicking and screaming and just being….mischievous.  Because I wasn’t screaming.  I was a silent wrestler this morning.  I just refused to scream.  The big darling arose in such a good mood, he actually set the alarm on his iPod and frightened me by being in the kitchen dressed in full uniform at 7:45 this morning.  What the heck?  Then I remembered something.  I remembered something I said to him last night as we walked to the car after soccer.  He’d asked if I’d cooked hamburgers, as he requested.  I said no, baby darling wanted hotdogs.  Why does he always have to get his way? he asked.  You know what buddy…he doesn’t always get his way.  You ate a hotdog before soccer, the hotdogs were out, and I decided not to cook two different things tonight because it was easier on me.  And besides that, I’m working on not letting him have his way all the time.  And I’m working on requiring middle darling to listen to me and not allowing him to talk to me ugly, and I’m working on requiring you to be aware of the time, and to take more responsibility for doing the things you need to do timely.  Consider yourselves in boot camp, I said.  He smirked, but it was a happy smirk, that turned the corners of his lips up into a smile. 

Later, I hugged him in the kitchen and I said, ‘I love you so much.  I love you because you aren’t frightened of me when I get psycho.  Because when I scream that I’m about to run out this house, you know I’m not really going to do it, that I’m just saying it because I like to threaten and scare you.’  He laughed and said, “Mamacita no scare me”. 

This balancing stuff….it’s working.  All I did yesterday was decide to be balanced.  To declare an end to my frustration.  I found an old feng shui cd and listened to it while I cleaned the kitchen.  It was so incredibly soothing and I realized my thoughts were….different.  I wasn’t solely focused on how shitty my life was.  I was focusing on what I could do to make it better.  Then I sat down and prayed/meditated for as long as I could.  It wasn’t that long…by hey, I tried.  I’m kicking it up a notch today with acupuncture.  And I’m hopeful.  I can do this and I’m going to do this.  I heard this last night while on my way to soccer…she is a sister, after all, so I listened intently to the prayer she offered to me.

“High hopes we have for the future
And our goal’s in sight
No, we don’t get depressed
Here’s what we call our golden rule
Have faith in you and the things you do
You won’t go wrong, this is our family jewel”…..Sister Sledge

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