The weekend I have dreaded for months. Father/Child Weekend. The weekend where all the lovely dads take their darling children to go and camp out. All the dads from school go, and they lovingly take all their kids. A big school tradition. Dave used to be all about it. Got excited about it, took the big darling every year, and had a great time. My boy…he’s so brave. I don’t know how he can even be so brave. But he’s out there. With his little 10 year old self. He’s out there without a daddy….and I’m just a mess. I’ve been busy with the other two boys, and not 2 seconds after they fell asleep I just lost it. I can't stop crying. God Damn you asshole how could you do this to him? I’m so thankful to all the dads who offered to bring my boy this weekend, and to the dad that did take him. He was undecided about what to do and whether he would go, and he finally decided this week to go. I pray those dads out there will make a tight circle around my boy and pray for him and his daddy every time they see him this weekend.
Ladies, I know there is an epidemic of assholishness going around with men right now. Apparently we are entering the mid life crises stage, as every other person I know is hating on her man, kicking him out, or divorcing him. I know you all hate when I say this, but it’s so true, I just have to say it over and over. I would give anything, anything, to hate my man right now. In real life. I would take every snore, every fart, every spitting of mucus. I would give my limbs, all of them. I would give everything away and live in a dumpster. All of it, any of it, to have him back. To have him with my boy this weekend. To have him here with us together forever and ever. I know they’re assholes. I know he was an asshole. But he was my asshole. I know there are some good men out there. Some of you have one. Some of you don’t. I don’t even know what to say to the one’s who have assholes, except that, perhaps, if you could, if you would, just think about what I would do with 5 more minutes. With 30 more minutes. How much I would forgive. How much harder I would try. How much more I would love. How much more accepting I would be.
These assholes, I think they do try. They are just a different breed. Truly, they are. And no one knows what to do with them. They lie. They cheat. They drink. They are apathetic. They avoid you. They don’t do what they are supposed to do. And they do what they know they are not supposed to do. Maybe just one or all of the above. What do you do? I can’t decide for you. But I would allow many more lies if I knew what the end result was for me. I didn’t know. I tried to make him better. I threatened. I begged. I pleaded. It was harder than it needed to be, most of the time. Why? I don’t know. For some of you it’s not going to work, ever, and divorce is the answer. For some of you, I can only say don’t let it get too far gone. It’s never too late to put the fucking brakes on and scream ENOUGH. Fix it. Make it work. Try harder. Try even harder than that. Remember the beginning. Go find what was there. Stop putting your kids first.
Believe me, if there is anything I have learned in the past 8 months it is that kids are extremely resilient. They don’t need us as much as we think they do. It’s good for them, even. Let them buck up. Put that extra energy into your marriage. Just do it. Some of you can stop the train before it wrecks. But the first thing you have to do is put the brakes on! Please do it now. For me. I’m pressing my foot really hard into the stool right now. I’m trying to do it for you.