March 22, 2012

Take II, Mean Shit


I’m not exactly sorry to report that it’s the time of the month again when I have to curse everyone out, and then slink off to the Moon Lodge for quiet reflection.  Random Mean Shit, Take II.

Over the last month, it has suddenly dawned on me that I’m 43 years old, and single.  Everyone says I still look young, but I’m somehow convinced they are liars.  They just don’t want to hurt my feelings, because I’m a sad fucking widow.  I have become obsessed with every flaw on my body, and now I’m pissed off at myself.   When I look into the mirror, I’m appalled that I’m not 25.  And so tonight, I’m here to say FUCK YOU SELF.  Stop being a punk ass ninny because you are so fucking awesome it’s not even fucking funny.  You own the fucking world.  You OWN IT.  You are awesomeness in a bottle.  People are dying for a drop.  The girl with nine lives.  Kung Fu, Ninja chick, kick your fucking ass goddess of everything.  So fuck you.

Fuck you, Dave.  Because I thought I could be comfortably married to my best friend for the next 40 years, and now I’m single and not comfortably married.  You’re a fucking loser piece of shit for doing this to me and the boys.  They are so fucking awesome, they get more awesome every day because of me, so we are all awesome and you’re a piece of shit.  Fuck you.

Are you fucking kidding me about how much laundry and household chores I have to do by myself?  I know some dumbass spouses don’t help their partners, but I didn’t marry a dumbass man who didn’t help.  Much worse, you trickster.  We were 50/50 on chores.  Now it’s 100/0.  This cuts into my own time, my own personal time and it’s not fucking fair.  If any of you are married to a non-helper, kick them out.  It’s bullshit.  This can’t be tolerated.

People, quit telling me you are tired and don’t feel good if you eat shit that is not food.  I’m tired of looking into your baskets at the store and seeing stuff that is not food.  Why do you eat stuff that you can’t pronounce, that you don’t even know what it is?  Then complain that you don’t have energy, can’t lose weight, have stiff joints and aches and don’t sleep at night.  Eat food.  Just real food.  And shut up.

It’s spring.  If you don’t have nice plants in your yard, you should.  Go plant stuff so you can look at it every day and be happy.  And so we can stop looking at your ugly yard with nothing planted.  If your house is ugly, fix it.  Stop making me look at ugly stuff.  It pisses me off.

13 comments:

  1. sometimes random mean shit is good for the soul jerri, and yes you ARE awesome, you ARE awesomeness personified. dont you ever forget it. so an occasional fuck the world post is good for what ails you! now go reflect in the moon lodge!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. "Awesomeness personified" I LOVE THAT. May have to steal it for future reference! THANKS!

      Delete
  2. I always try to vote, but not sure if I am doing it right. Why can't you just have a vote button and be done with it...wait...is there such a button? I'm such a dumb "f"...please help me.

    P.S. You are sadly funny...and awesome. You tell it like it is and see the funny in all things, even when it sucks big time. I like you girl! Well, now, where the hell is that f-ing vote button?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks! I'm grateful, really, for being able to find the funny...it comes from many years of living the life of a shit magnet...gotta laugh or you'll be crying alot. ;)

      Delete
  3. I have no idea how I found your blog. But let me tell you, you are one fucking bad ass woman!!!! Don't ever stop writing!! And certainly don't stop being blunt and real! You are awesome. I'm going to vote ASAP - well after I finish my wine, of course!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks. You guys help me to feel not quite as crazy! Especially when I'm not really rocking the 'bad ass' vibe! LOL.

      Delete
  4. Your blog makes me cry at work and wish that I could come to wherever you are and help you. I'm so sorry for your loss and your children's loss. Please know that people who don't even know you are rooting for you, and that I am incredibly proud of you for being the woman you are. I know you don't know me and that me being proud of you can't mean much but I had to say it because your words have affected me so much. Take care.
    Candace in Reno

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm so blown away when people say this. Thanks for taking the time to say it. It does mean a lot....even from a stranger. I don't know why. I guess because we are just all humans...no matter where we are.

      Delete
  5. I still want to feed you bacon and play with you. Because I fucking hate ugly yards too and I have 4 kids and i'm sick to fucking death of them all wearing a different outfit for everything from hitting each other to eating their breakfast cereal and I cant take any more GD laundry and my alter ego wants to wear a bikini and my realistic ego says "wet suit" and I just LIKE you. ..in a non stage 5 creeper way.

    ReplyDelete
  6. So, I have been up all night reading your blog and have just gotten to yesterdays post. I have laughed and cried with you thru reading it all and I am very moved and inspired by you. Even when you wanted to quit, you didn't, you just keep going, like that old quote from Churchill, "If you are going though hell, keep going.."

    I know the grief of loosing those close to me and the pain of getting to the point where you decided, that's it, I'm done, I'm mad as hell and I am not going to take it anymore. That decision saved my life and made me realize that there was more out there then just the pain of loss, lies and grief.

    I have accepted my past, the harm done to me and moved on and found a miracle in my second husband (no my first didn't die but there were days I was not sure I was going to let him live...lol) and my son. The child I was not supposed to be able to have. It's not all wine and roses but it is much better than I ever dreamed.

    Don't worry about what anybody else says about what you do or what they think you need to do. Just keep going, keep finding your center and love those boys.

    And keep writing..We are out here reading. You are good at this. You are one BADASS Mutha!

    Much love to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for taking the time to write. It means alot. I think of this stuff when I don't feel like a badass mutha!

      Delete
  7. it's a mad world indeed and it's amazing how you're coping with all the shit that has happened.

    you definitely have free passes to rant dear. we all have our days and you, definitely, will have these days.

    just keep going,
    Les...
    LPN Programs

    ReplyDelete