A few observations about summer: I have about 20 beach towels. I need about 692 more. We each have a couple of bathing suits. We each need about 468 more. Summer is expensive. I’m driving all over to mad parties with rambunctious crazy kids, but who cares, because I’m sitting in a lounger with a cocktail and a bunch of rambunctious crazy muthas. Just as I was thinking my kids might be festering some sort of disease from, uh, not bathing every night, I read a facebook post from a friend who said her kids were in 3 different pools yesterday, so she’s not bathing them. Ya hurd me? Good. We’re not bathing either, then. I haven’t packed a lunch in days. In fact, I threw away all the lunchboxes because they were getting stinky. Fuck washing them. I tossed them. I have declared a ‘no sock’ rule. You know how much I hate matching socks. I loathe it. I hate it as much as painting and cleaning toilets. If I catch you with socks on, well, I don’t know what’s gonna happen. I’ll probably just flip you over and pull them off and throw them away instead of washing them. Flip flops are for summer. Little darling acts all like he can’t maneuver them. Tough shit. Learn to move those feet in a flip flop. Can’t run in them? Kick them off and run barefoot. It’s good for your feet. My house is mostly staying clean, which makes me tingly, because we are not here, and if we are, we are outside. Keeping the patio clean is much easier. I just blast the shit with the hose. I love it! I so wish I could do that to my kitchen floor. Yesterday I caught myself saying, “Don’t eat that in the kitchen, go on the patio!” This is funny, because usually I’m saying, “Don’t eat that in the living room, go to the kitchen!” The beach is calling me, ya hurd me? I need my feet in the sand, I need to be dancing on a boat with the muthas, I need to let little darling swim with the dolphin, and I need a grouper sammich. Soon. Very soon.
I’m realizing something that first occurred to me shortly after Dave died, but it’s occurring to an even greater degree now, because more time has passed and we’re moving further away from the trauma and shock of ‘the incident’. When a person in your home, a caregiver, a spouse, anyone is suffering from depression, your whole house is bathed in black, dreary light. For as much as I was ‘normal’ and did my job as the overcompensating mother, for as much happiness as the darlings spun each day, there was still a black cloud above us. It was Dave. It was his addiction, his lies, his depression. He did a bang up job of disguising it, but you really can’t fool the universe. It was all still there. And we all felt it. When he died, I immediately sensed that it left us. Mind you, what was left in its place was horrible, and definitely not better. But I sensed that his black cloud was gone. We had our own black clouds then. But we’ve been determined to blow them away for almost a year now. Sometimes it still rains, but mostly there is sun. I suspect most of the world lives this way as well. I’ve been getting loads of messages on the blog from people saying they are living with a Dave, or that they are a Dave. One even said I saved his life. I don’t take this lightly, of course. I’m not a professional. Clearly, I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing. I’m just a girl, actually a ninja, superwoman, goddess of everything. I don’t want people to live under black clouds. It’s not necessary. It’s sad. It’s damp. It’s cold. Happiness is free. Declare it. Seek it. Be determined to find it. It’s warm. It’s beautiful. It’s an ocean of love. I get that some people have physical issues that may cause the warm glow to be elusive. Don’t let that stop you. I didn’t even realize we were living under the black cloud. All I knew was that things were way harder than they needed to be. I’m the goddess of everything, and I still couldn’t figure it out. That blows me away. But I have it figured out now. Seek God. If you don’t ‘get that’, then seek the light, the good, the warm glow of the universe. It’s all the same thing. Call it what you want. But don’t stop until you’re bathed in it, until it washes all over you and heals you, because it can. Declare it now. It’s yours for the taking. A free gift from the universe. You just have to want it. Seek it. Spin it!