Life's a Beach

I love my beach, and my beach loves me.  We are all tan and blonde and relaxed.  Many days of beaches, islands, snorkeling, boats and pools.  And crazy muthas.  Muthas that get robbed and kidnapped with me.  Muthas that know way too much about the Madwoman, but love her fiercely anyway.  I suppose I know way too much about those muthas too.  When the 3 of us get together, the rest of the world simply melts away. 

I left the darlings with a sitter so we could go out.   We are suddenly all single again, on account of being suckers.  Suckas.  We suck at love.  We love and lose repeatedly.  Maybe we are crazy.  But we are a happy lot.  I got out of the car to bring pullups in to the sitter before we left, and was gone about 30 seconds.  When I got back into the car, the first thing I said was, “Ya’ll talked about me, huh?  Ya’ll said I was crazy.”  Of course they laughed and denied it.  If I were crazy, these two would be the first to tell me.  My top advisors.  Upon arrival at the second bar, which was not a dancing place, I see one of them dancing.   Only right away I know she is not ‘dancing’, she is being way overly dramatic, making drag queen faces and mocking one of us.  This is how you dance, she cackles.  The mocking is immediately returned, as we turn her own moves into soul train gone bad.    We expertly made fun of one another, consoled one another, gave unsolicited advice, laughed way too loud and allowed a few tears to silently trickle all in a few hours time.  I can’t believe we are this old.  How did 20 years go by so quickly? 

What has struck me most about this trip is that we think we have changed so much over the years, matured so much, been through so much…all true….but we are really the same.  Not much has changed.  People don’t really change.  Their essence is essentially…their essence.  Forever.  It’s good to know I’ll always be a badass then.  Funny, strong, resilient.  Making my own rules.  Knowing that exactly what is meant to be is what shall be.  It's comforting to know I’ll be surrounded by those types of friends too.

I so needed this vacation, this escape from my reality.   I made a hasty decision to leave, made reservations, packed us and pulled out the driveway all in just a couple hours time.  The darlings chattered the whole way and kept me laughing at their silliness.  I had to stop them from bolting from the car and running headlong into the surf when I pulled up to check in.  If it weren’t for the baby, I would have just let them run, right into it.  It’s what I wanted to do too.  I’ve used the time wisely.  Allowing myself to purge some shit that’s been swimming around too much in my brain.  To listen to the voice in my head.  Vowing to tap the scales, and rebalance.  Father’s Day will come and go and my darlings will be oblivious…just as planned.  Our focus is on whether to go to the pool or the beach first, not on the fact that we would otherwise be left wondering what exactly is the protocol now on this awkward day?  I suppose I shall declare the protocol from this day forward will be to do just what we are doing now.  Living.  Having fun.  Not surrendering to the sadness.  Because it’s not necessary.

This morning, the boys were playing a made up game where one of them was a baby bird, and one was the daddy.  As the baby kept calling out, ‘Daddy, daddy bird!’ to the older boys, it struck me that they will always have one another.  They will always be close.  They know what it means to lose.  And they’ll never lose one another for that very reason.  That may be all the consolation I need to breeze through this day.  We have a fabulous day planned and another little party tonight.  What’s not to love about spending it on the most beautiful beach in the world surrounded by love.