June 24, 2012

Meanie Head


You all will crack up at this, but today is the first time I read the comments left by readers on the Top Mommy Blog site about my blog.  For some reason, Internet Explorer has never allowed me to see the comments.  I surfed with Chrome today so I was able to read them.  

People have written some amazing comments, and I feel unworthy of most of them.  A couple of people commented about my trashy, unbecoming language, and said it wasn’t necessary to get my point across.  Let me be clear that I don’t begrudge these people their feelings at all.  Everyone has a right to his or her own opinion, and I wholeheartedly respect these views.  We are all different, and that is what makes the world go ‘round.  I actually do wish I was a non-swearing person.  I have great respect for the non-swearing population.  Swearing is not a virtue. 

To be honest, I was glad to read those comments today, because this is actually a subject I have thought about addressing for a while.   I do disagree with the ‘not necessary’ part, though.  You see, I’m trying to get ‘my point’ across.  Not yours.  These are my thoughts.  My thoughts have curse words in them.  My girlfriends tell me their mom’s read the blog.  Some of my kid’s teachers read it.  I panic every day that the principal may find out about it.  But the truth is that I’m really not trying to please anyone.  I’m writing honestly about my life and I do use bad language sometimes.  It’s really just as simple as that.  I like to call it poetic cursing. 

Sometimes a swear word is the only way to say something that affects me deeply.  For example:  “I hate him.”  That conveys just regular hate.  “I fucking hate him.”  That conveys that I hate him more than average.  That the hate cuts me deeply.  Wounds me.  Affects me enough to lash out.  Perhaps it’s just in my own mind that the word ‘fuck’ implies all this meaning…but too many people tell me that it’s like I’m in their head for me to really believe that.  I personally don’t walk around swearing all the time. 

I’m not sitting here going, “Let me cook this fucking dinner.”  Now that is trashy, unbecoming and not necessary.  There is no reason to say ‘fuck’ about cooking dinner.  I don’t feel all that emotional about it.  Now, if someone threw their dinner at me….I would probably not say, “She threw her dinner at me.”  No, because that is some crazy shit right there.  I would definitely say, “She threw her fucking dinner at me!”  Just the addition of the word ‘fuck’ helps to explain how crazy throwing your dinner on someone is, right? 

So, why even address this, you may wonder.  The reason is because, in all seriousness, I really do not wish to offend people.  There is a side of me that is a tender mommy.  A volunteer.  A community activist.  A professional.  A room mom.  A mom’s club member at school.  A church goer.  A grand-daughter.  Trust me; I don’t walk around using the F word when I am wearing these hats.  (Well, maybe at mom’s club, but only because these muthas around here egg me on!)  This blog is an up close and personal view into my head.  Sometimes it’s twisted.  Sometimes it’s harsh.  Sometimes it’s tender.  Sometimes it’s boring.  Sometimes it’s hilarious.  You are privy to these thoughts because I allow it.  The risk is that people will judge me.  I mostly don’t care.  My self esteem is pretty rock solid.  I’m not sure why.  I recall being a child and not always feeling this way.  As I matured I somehow managed to convince myself that I am indeed the shit.   I happen to think the swearing is just my style.  I think it’s funny.  But most of all, it makes the words mine.  It makes them real.  Because these are my thoughts, curse words and all.

25 comments:

  1. I agree. I hate where saying a bad word or two is so stigmatized. Yes, sometimes it is just trashy. Other times, it's just concise and helps to express a more accurate meaning, like you said. And sometimes, a well-placed bad word just cracks me up.

    I'm like you. I wear many hats, and many of them do not swear. But the real me, she does. Sometimes, a well-placed curse word just cracks me up. I don't know why I find them so funny. I'm sure thousands of dollars of therapy could shed some light on it, but it doesn't bother me, so I'm going to save my money.

    You know, many times I see them referred to as curse words. I really don't know why we call them curse words. Technically, I'm not cursing anyone. I'm just using a different adjective most of the time. It's really no big deal in the big scheme of life.

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  2. I have 6 kids...5 still at home..I swear alot! Who cares. Like you said, they're your thoughts! IF PEOPLE DON'T LIKE IT, DON'T READ IT. As I have taught my kids, cuss words are ok, you just have to learn when it's appropriate, and when it's notto use them. I dont go to college swearing at my teachers, I dont swear in front of people where I know it would be offensive to them, I dont call my kids names, but I do like the F word as a matter of fact. My children don't go to school swearing at their teachers, as that would not be acceptable, however, if I swear at home, that's my choice. I love cuss words, always have, so if people don't like it, they can fuck off. I'm 46 years old, and I think I've been around long enough to know we have freedom of speech. Doesn't mean I'm a bad person, or vulgar, just means I am me...and why should I apologize for that? I'm proud of who I am, and proud of my children and they people I've helped them become. They're just words, seriously, people should find better things to bitch about!haha...swear away, life will go on...

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  3. I think you are AMAZING... curse words and all. And agree with you 100% that these are YOUR thoughts. If they don't like it, it's a free country. They don't have to read it. IT's YOUR BLOG. Keep it up mutha.

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  4. Your point is completely valid. There IS a point to cursing, HELLO. To convey craziness, annoyance, depth of feeling, etc. I too love a good vent-session laden with curse-words. And I too wear other hats with which the cursing has to stay bottled.

    You'll never have everyone's approval. But you sure as hell have mine!

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  5. I totally agree.... I may even link this from my blog because I can not say it any better.

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  6. You wouldn't be you without a good "Fuck you" or two!!!

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  7. I agree whole-heartedly! And unless you take the Lord's name in vain, and I don't, the words really mean nothing! Shit is the same as saying Poop! Fuck is sex! Now, not that I want my 9 year old cursing like a sailor at school, but in the scheme of things, is an occasional "Shit!", when you spill your drink all over the kitchen floor going to hurt anything or anyone? I tried to explain to my mother once, that when you get up to pee in the middle of the night and stub your toe on the foot of the bed, "Ouch!" just doesn't cut it. There is something therapeutic about the way you hold your mouth when you scream, "FFFUUUCCCKK!" that makes it feel better!

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    1. There have actually been some tests on this: and they found that cussing (in the moment of pain) increases your pain threshold.

      Not as much as the scent of lavender, apparently, but who the hell would hop on their uninjured foot to get to it, when a swear word will do just nicely?

      Not only are swear words useful tools for expression, they are pain relief too!

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  8. I also agree. I can't believe people would read your tag line and then have the nerve to bitch at you about swearing. Seriously, people?!

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  9. I seriously can't believe that after reading your tag line, ANYONE would have the nerve to bitch about you using profanity. Are you kidding me?! This woman has been through hell, and you're going to get on her case for cursing?! Excuse my language (LOL) but anyone who has the balls to say something like that to this woman...is a fucking moron. :)

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  10. A friend sent me the link to your blog and I love it already. I have learned thru my own trials and tribulations that no matter what you do, someone will not like it. Who really gives a flying fuck what they think?! It's YOUR life...own it!:)

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  11. I fucking love this post :D

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  12. I found your blog last Friday and by late late Friday night I have read EVERY.SINGLE.POST from the beginning. You have inspired me to be strong even at my weakest point, because YOU lady have been strong through HELL and back! I admire you and think that you are just kick ass and you should be able to cuss whenever you want...fuck the people that don't like you for YOU!

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  13. Its all about awareness for me. If I swear, (or speak lovingly for that matter,) I can only hope I that I think before I speak and swear or love with deliberateness. People get offended by swearing for various reasons: They were taught that swearing is bad (most of us were);it scares them (reminds them of violence and anger present or past in their own lives) ; or because they are jealous and wish they could let go like that themselves. I like everything about your posts. If you're going to swear, don't apologize. Nuff said. :)

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  15. I appreciate your writing on this subject and calling it "poetic cursing" is brilliant. I have always cursed, it probably stems from my Brooklyn upbringing where the word "fuck is a comma". I have often gotten slack for it, mostly from men who think it to be "un-lady like". However, like you, I don't have trouble not cursing in settings that I believe it to be inappropriate. For example, in front of my children. Although, the car still proves to be an area of weakness where even my kids can't stop me from cursing out an inconsiderate driver. In fact, the other day my son was riding his toy truck, honking the horn and saying "move it asshole!" Oops! Was that my fault? :)

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  16. Fuck Yeah! Oh, wait....that WAS trashy :-P Love your blog. I was a teacher for 9 years and had to teach myself not to swear in front of my 5th graders, but every once in a while Shit would slip out. The word, not the poo. They think its funny and realize you're human. I didn't go around advocating swearing but I don't make a big deal out of it either. There is just something so invogorating about saying Absofuckinglutely

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  17. Rock on girl! Just read you blog from the beginning, and I say "Fuck Them" They don't like it...move on LOL. I love your blog, besides if they are judging they aren't worthy.

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  18. Just came across this blog whilst looking for other parents that take the time to write when they can - and while they can! I'm finding that some of the best writing comes from those that write 'in the moment' on issues like this. I recently wrote a children's book which was a 'moment of light' when my son came home and had been bullied. I felt so passionate about it that I've spent 5 months developing it into an App and book and it's become somewhat of a 'movement' for anti-bullying here in Australia. I would have loved to have slipped a curse word or two into the dialogue at the time as I was so frustrated when I was writing (maybe another 'go to fucking bed' phenomenon?!) but opted to take the safe route : ) - Maybe I should do a special edition! Not sure if your kids have been bullied but if it's a topic you blog about in the future I'd be pleased if you used it as a reference. Here's a link, if you get 2 minutes let us know what you think? And keep up the f**king good work! http://www.protein-one.com/dandelion/

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  19. Fucking aye, right! There is no need to justify your words. I think they are devine.

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  20. I TOTALLY get what you're saying. I, too, wish I didn't have such a trash mouth. But sometimes it's just necessary to blurt out "FUCK" when you drop something on your tow.. or when someone cuts you off in traffic. Of course, you went through a terrible tragedy. That affords you extra F words. You have anger and grief. Just say what you need to say, however you need to say it for fuck's sake!

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  21. Hahaha, I don't use the F word a lot, but you can tell when I'm angry, i can squeezed every f word per effing syllable. And that way, I can express my real emotions...and if I don't say the f word, I will end up killing someone...

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