People have written some amazing comments, and I feel unworthy of most of them. A couple of people commented about my trashy, unbecoming language, and said it wasn’t necessary to get my point across. Let me be clear that I don’t begrudge these people their feelings at all. Everyone has a right to his or her own opinion, and I wholeheartedly respect these views. We are all different, and that is what makes the world go ‘round. I actually do wish I was a non-swearing person. I have great respect for the non-swearing population. Swearing is not a virtue.
To be honest, I was glad to read those comments today, because this is actually a subject I have thought about addressing for a while. I do disagree with the ‘not necessary’ part, though. You see, I’m trying to get ‘my point’ across. Not yours. These are my thoughts. My thoughts have curse words in them. My girlfriends tell me their mom’s read the blog. Some of my kid’s teachers read it. I panic every day that the principal may find out about it. But the truth is that I’m really not trying to please anyone. I’m writing honestly about my life and I do use bad language sometimes. It’s really just as simple as that. I like to call it poetic cursing.
Sometimes a swear word is the only way to say something that affects me deeply. For example: “I hate him.” That conveys just regular hate. “I fucking hate him.” That conveys that I hate him more than average. That the hate cuts me deeply. Wounds me. Affects me enough to lash out. Perhaps it’s just in my own mind that the word ‘fuck’ implies all this meaning…but too many people tell me that it’s like I’m in their head for me to really believe that. I personally don’t walk around swearing all the time.
I’m not sitting here going, “Let me cook this fucking dinner.” Now that is trashy, unbecoming and not necessary. There is no reason to say ‘fuck’ about cooking dinner. I don’t feel all that emotional about it. Now, if someone threw their dinner at me….I would probably not say, “She threw her dinner at me.” No, because that is some crazy shit right there. I would definitely say, “She threw her fucking dinner at me!” Just the addition of the word ‘fuck’ helps to explain how crazy throwing your dinner on someone is, right?
So, why even address this, you may wonder. The reason is because, in all seriousness, I really do not wish to offend people. There is a side of me that is a tender mommy. A volunteer. A community activist. A professional. A room mom. A mom’s club member at school. A church goer. A grand-daughter. Trust me; I don’t walk around using the F word when I am wearing these hats. (Well, maybe at mom’s club, but only because these muthas around here egg me on!) This blog is an up close and personal view into my head. Sometimes it’s twisted. Sometimes it’s harsh. Sometimes it’s tender. Sometimes it’s boring. Sometimes it’s hilarious. You are privy to these thoughts because I allow it. The risk is that people will judge me. I mostly don’t care. My self esteem is pretty rock solid. I’m not sure why. I recall being a child and not always feeling this way. As I matured I somehow managed to convince myself that I am indeed the shit. I happen to think the swearing is just my style. I think it’s funny. But most of all, it makes the words mine. It makes them real. Because these are my thoughts, curse words and all.