June 23, 2012

Nonsense


I’m so amused that when I don’t post to the blog frequently, people start saying they are stalking me, clicking the page repeatedly, and wondering if I have some way of knowing how obsessed they have become with the Madwoman’s antics.  I love that you guys care about what I’m doing.  And the answer is no.  I don’t know who reads it or how often they visit.  So you are safe, you bunch of hilarious, freaky stalkers.  I haven’t posted because I have nothing that I can safely write about, right now.  Some shit went down this week on the day we got home, but it’s family related drama I can’t write about because now my whole family reads the blog.  

You all can’t even imagine the stuff I would be saying if I would have done this on the sly.  I’ve learned my lesson about hurting people’s feelings in this venue, so I’m not doing it again.  I will just make this one tiny little public service announcement regarding this week’s incident:  If you hurt my boys’ feelings, I will fuck you up every time.  Without fail.   I will jump your shit.  I will do it in a way that probably no one else does.  I will curse and scream at you.  My babies have lost a lot.  Of everyone involved in this catastrophe, they have continued to suffer the most.  As a result, passive aggressive, sneaky shit that is just plain wrong on every level will be handled by the Madwoman, not in stealth ninja mode, but head on like the bat shit crazy bitch I am, with a side salad of I-don’t-give-a-fuck.  I hope now we’re clear on that. 

Am I overly emotional this month?  Maybe.  Do I give a shit?  Nope.   I’m in survival mode again.  I’m painfully aware that I’m different from everyone else right now.   I can’t help but think things like, “This is the last day he did this or that.”  It was at this time last year that everything was bursting forth like a volcano.  I was in do or die mode.  I just didn’t really think he would die, literally.  I know that for the next few weeks, I might be ok, or I might be a stark raving mad lunatic.  And I just don’t care. 

His birthday is next Sunday.  Like Father’s Day, I will likely pretend it doesn’t exist.  I keep a whiteboard in my kitchen where I write all of our appointments, parties, people’s birthdays, etc.  I couldn’t deal with writing Father’s Day and his birthday and our anniversary on it, so it’s blank.  I’ve never done that before.  It says only BEACH in giant letters over last week.  The allure of the blank calendar was too much for the baby, so he took it upon himself to scribble all over it.  I didn’t even erase the scribbles.  The month is nonsense.  Just like my life.

I’m having a hard time shocking my body back out of beach mode, too.  I don’t want to be here.  I want to drink beer at 10:30 a.m. and lay in the pool all day.  I’m currently hooked on a lovely Belgian brew, Stella Artois.  Thank God my housekeepers were scheduled for the day after our return, or we’d still be living on top of a car sized pile of dirty clothes. 

I went to the dermatologist Thursday and tried to wear almost winter clothes so she wouldn’t see how tan I am.  I didn’t want her to scream at me.  Why are we scared of our doctors?  A hilarious mutha once confided to me that she always wears professional work clothes to the dermatologist, even though she is simply coming from home.  She pretends to be coming from work because the doctor once made a snarky comment about women who don’t work.  Now that’s some funny shit, right there.

We spent the day at the swim club yesterday, a million kids swimming and a line of muthas lounging.   Then we all came back here.  The muthas dined on fresh red snapper, crab meat salad and wine.   The kids beat each other with swords until midnight.  There was a hysterical incident involving kids hiding in my closet and becoming concerned about a noise coming from an unfamiliar object, but again, I feel the noose around my neck because it seems all of Mayberry reads the blog.  So now I suffer with this dilemma.  The blog is popular.  Popularity is great, and I have a platform to hopefully launch a book.  The downside is that now people that I know in real life see me and gush about it, but that only makes me want to take it all down and pretend to be very normal.  The ironic thing is that the very reason people love it is because it’s honest.  Because I tell the truth.  Because I say what you all are thinking all the time anyway.   I don’t know why I’m suddenly concerned about what people think of me.  But I can tell you that I hate it, and I hope the feeling passes quickly, because not being me is totally boring, ya hurd me?

17 comments:

  1. I was one of your crazy stalkers. Until I liked your page on Facebook and now know when to go Read your blogs! I look forward to them! So please don't stop! I would have to leave you Naggy Whiny messages on Facebook until you ban me. :-) I Love your honesty!

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  2. Wasn't it you that said, "Trying to understand people is like trying to pick up a turd from the clean end" Fuhghet about it sistah! Speak your mind, we all love you for it. (however, my inner self says, I get it and I get you) I have a monster in law to deal with myself. I could devote an entire blog to her and her alone but I'd have to assume an entirely new identification. Good luck to you though ~ you have an army of muthas rootin for ya.

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  3. You, me, and June have too much in common.

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  4. In the words of Anne Lamott,

    “You own everything that happened to you. Tell your stories. If people wanted you to write warmly about them, they should've behaved better.”

    Keep telling your stories, if that's what helps you, and what you want.

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  5. "head on like the bat shit crazy bitch I am, with a side salad of I-don’t-give-a-fuck" is my favourite quote from a blog, ever. I love it and am unashamedly adopting it for use in appropriate, or even inappropriate, situations.

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  6. OMG you make me so proud...I can't begin to tell you. Keep it up...you with your freaky stalkers and weird ass relatives...write from your heart and protect, protect,and still protect those boys. You are their champion...and make new stuff up for the calendar...instead of Dave's birthday it's now Sanitation Day because the trash is going out. You are only as limited as you allow yourself to be...so run when you can and make us all wonder where you are and how you are...but don't worry... we all know who you are, because you are us. And we hurd ya.

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  7. You are my own personal happy day moment :) I love your blog and yep I check it often :P Being normal is for squares We're circles and go round and round!

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  8. Please keep on being yourself and writing all that
    sh!t out of your mind and our there for us to read.
    Sincerely, one of your stalkers
    P.S. I know what you mean about holding back some of the crap you WANT to say...Oh some people in my (husband's mostly) family wouldn't know what hit them! But for now....

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  9. Just keep doing what you do the way you do it and remember this:

    FUCK THOSE PEOPLE.

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  10. Yayyyyy finally a new post!!

    I have a blog, and I also have something CRAZY that happened in my life... something that would feel soooo good to talk about... I could write pages... a book. But I can't. It's so bad that I'm pretty sure it would cause a suicide if I talked about it. Plus I have this terrible feeling that writing about this thing would be more of a way for me to boost blog-traffic, rather than the therapy I would pretend for it to be. Kinda shitty, huh?

    I'm glad your truth is already out, so you have some freedom to talk. Agree with Zoey up there (in principle...)

    You're inspiring!

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  11. This is YOUR blog, and you should post what you want. PERIOD. They will get over it, or they won't. Either way, this is YOUR place to vent, or whatever you feel like doing.

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  12. I started reading this blog after having a tough time at work. I just wanted a mommy blog and you are who I found! Your story sounds like the worst thing in the world. However, I travel around the world quite a bit. I work in some rather undesirable locations which are generally post conflict. I learn from women in South East Asia, Eastern Europe and all over Africa who live daily in desperate poverty and who have survived war, rape, disease, being a refugee, and son on. Some have watched their family members being tortured or were tortured in front of their family. Some women have had family killed or kidnapped in front of them. They lose their village, community, country.

    Why do I tell you this? Because since I started reading your blog I keep thinking that if you traveled to some of these places, met these women, you would find this endless sense of resilience that would fortify you when ever you needed it. You are clearly a tough woman with an amazing survival instinct. But rather than feeling like the one tough cat in a sea of people who haven't had to survive the unthinkable, I'd love for you to have the chance to be among your sisters in the world who have unbelievable power to overcome what ever is tossed their way. Because you deserve this sensation, I would like you to feel --even for a few moments--wow, "she has to overcome that? I can do this...." There are so many inspiring women in the world, that despite their past, they march on demonstrating resilience and the power of renewal. They recreate themselves. They parent with loving gusto. They teach us, hour-by-hour, day-by-day how to live. You are one of those women.

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    Replies
    1. Wow. That sure puts things into perspective! Great comment!

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    2. Yes. Yes she is one of the those women. And she is breathtakingly honest & really crass (& I love it because I think these thoughts daily in my mind). And although many of us can't travel the world to learn these lessons, she is teaching many of us, in each blog post, that being imperfect is the perfect way to live each day.

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  13. Sometimes we must ask ourselves why should we expect things to be any different other than NONSENSE!! When people are not honest about their TRUE intentions we assume our own which are usually RITE ON, you know who you need to protect and who you need to pull in or cast away even if for the time being, life is hard enough we don't need anchors weighing us down!!

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  14. I won't make a Facebook for my blog because I don't want people I know to find it. I would hate to not be able to be honest. THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT OF MY BLOG.

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  15. I have passive aggressive people I'm related to AND I have things that make noise hidden in my closet. Funny part is that said passive aggressive person doesn't know I used the birthday money from her to BUY the noisey things in my closet! I have a blog too and do public speaking. There's so much stuff that won't be put out there until a generation of people pass away. It's one thing to piss off people when you aren't family but when you have children involved and my case, my husband too, I'm not ready to air certain dirty laundry for the whole world to see.

    I do really like the Anne Lamott quote though!!! Might have to put that in a Christmas card.

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