July 13, 2012

Gimme a hand....


I went to sleep last night with the most clear picture of Dave's hands in my mind.  Where a tiny freckle was, what his nails looked like, where he always had a callous.  I'm not sure I've ever missed him as much as I miss him right now, during this time of turmoil in my own family.  He would so understand.  He would so be on 'my team.'  I've begged him to show himself to me today, a million times.  I've promised him that I wouldn't be scared if he did.  I've seen two rainbows today.  It's not enough.  I need my teammate.  I've felt so alone, and so abandoned.  My house is disgusting, the bathrooms smell like the foul smelling nursing home I'm afraid to die in, and we have no clean clothes. But I just walked in, and found this in my in box.  It's a hand up.

http://thecoolgirl.com/july-cool-girl-of-the-month-is-a-madwoman/

I don't even know what to say about this, except that I needed to read it today. I absolutely love this website, and this woman for extending her hand to me today, of all days, just when I needed it the most.

13 comments:

  1. Awww this brought tears to my eyes! Awesome tribute to an awesome woman...

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  2. You are a very strong woman. And I pray that I could be half as strong as you have been. I heard of your blog from a friend and spent hours sitting in front of my computer reading every single entry laughing and crying sometimes at the same time. Every day I pray for you and your Darlings to have peace and happiness and I know one day you will truly find it. P.S. I would love to beat your nephew smart!

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  3. That's awesome! :) You are one cool girl!

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  4. Hang in there, girl! I read your every post. Actually, just found it recently and went back to the beginning to read them all. Suicide is so hard. My best friend's son committed suicide at 15 years old. She has been to hell and back and pretty much dragged me with her. Ok, I went willingly. Love your honesty and love your humor. God loves you just the way you are!!!!

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  5. Tears............you are truly an amazing women. I have a child who suffers from a mental illness and i turn to you somedays because your just not afraid to fall apart and say " this fucking sucks". Somedays hearing over and over again "things could be worse" or "God wont give you more than you can handle" just doesnt cut it thats when i read your words and laugh.....and sometimes cry. Thank you for being real and continued prayers for your families journey

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  6. Laura Hewitt from VermontJuly 13, 2012 at 9:57 PM

    My dear what a wonderful thing! Enjoy this special gift! Can't wait to read your book!

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  7. What a perfect and well deserved standing ovation!

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  8. My heart goes out to you across the oceans and I pray that you find peace. Brilliant writing.

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  9. How awesome! I had to comment on your cool girl spot. You make me laugh with your witty words and step back and look at life differently. I need to read your book because I am so obsessed with your blog but other people who don't know about your blog need to know how amazing you are! :)

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  10. That Hot Mom Spot fuckin sucks. I can't believe it's number one. Come on people! If you read this blog, vote for the Mad Woman!

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  11. Please just keep on keepin on! You are doing a magnificent job!

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  12. Congrats on being the cool girl. Love your story!

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  13. What a perfect testament to how much of a "cool girl" you really are! I, too, stumbled across your blog by accident and I've been completely hooked ever since. Keep doing what you are doing!

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