July 20, 2012

I'm sick of being harassed by Rosetta Stone


I’m only posting this so that you all will not think I’m currently institutionalized for running down the street barefoot while screaming obscenities and ripping off my clothes.  Things are just quiet.  The boredom is plucking away at me like a mad hen.  I’m really ready for a change.  Ready for school, another season, a change of pace.  I get insanely bored, easily.  I’m in need of an attitude adjustment.

Also, I just need a quick moment to make this public service announcement: 

Listen, Rosetta Stone people, stop trying to scare me.  I get all nervous every time I hear your commercial, where you admonish me sternly by asking, “Will buying another pair of shoes make you happy?”  I immediately get all panicky, because the answer is yes, even though I haven’t bought shoes since the beginning of summer.  I suddenly feel guilty for even buying them at all.  I don’t need some facking commercial on the radio trying to say I selfishly buy things for myself.  I quickly make a list of what I’ve recently purchased.  Did I need it?  Of course, anything for myself surely didn’t come from Walmart or a discount store.   Nor did I use a coupon, because I religiously lose coupons or stuff them in my wallet and never, ever, not once, remember to use them.  I don’t care if it’s a 99% off coupon.  I will not remember to use it.  I’m just real blonde like that.

Let me go ahead and make the disclaimer right here and now too, before some person I would never tolerate in real life scrolls down to the comment section to insinuate that I’m some rich bitch who buys shoes and handbags and jeans and tops and makeup and….I’m sorry, where was I?  Oh right, I was buying things.  Hmm…I might stop writing this right now and go buy shit.   New stuff is on the list of things that help slay ninjas.  The baby is napping but there is always great stuff to buy online.  Those stores are always open.  I mean, no, I don’t have this endless supply of money.  Truthfully I should never buy another thing being in my current situation.  But somehow, I will figure out how to make it all happen.  That’s why I’m a shit magnet.  ‘Cause I’m always spinning shit.  Even money.  Shit is messy.  Anyway, seriously, where was I again?

I was going to say something about losing my mojo and being bored to death.  Then I was going to say that I deserve to buy whatever I want, whenever I want, for the rest of my life.  After surviving this life thus far, I deserve it all.  Right now.  All I can say is, damn lucky I never have the time to shop, not even online.  These kids are always keeping me out of trouble like that.  Plus, honestly, I’m extremely practical.  I’m not an over the top shopper, but I don’t go without. 

Anyway, back to Rosetta Stone, finally.  They get me all panicky, and then it turns out they’re really not fussing at me for buying shoes, they are saying it would be more exciting to learn a foreign language.  I’m not sure if the commercial is supposed to be a joke, or what?  Do they really think learning a foreign language is something fun, like buying, and then especially wearing the shoes?  I mean, I guess here in Mayberry, there aren’t a whole lot of ethnic groups that I overly need to communicate with in another language.  Don’t get me wrong, I would love to be able to do just that.  But…alas…I became schooled in other subjects, mostly hard knocks and mostly in the English language only.  Maybe one day….until then…shoes.

In my current state of boredom, I’m trying to decide if I should become obsessed with yoga or pilates.  I feel I should have some sort of helpful obsession already in the pipeline when my kids go back to school. Anything to keep me from looking for a job, right?  I’m going to require some serious distraction and I realize I will spend the first two weeks walking around here in a catatonic state with a blank stare on my face, being somewhat confused as to what I actually should be doing, since I will have a break every day from wiping asses, wiping up spills, and wiping sticky counters.

This ecard has nothing to do with anything I just said...but it's insanely funny to me.

My favorite shoes, or counting to ten in Spanish?  I will punch you if you say Spanish.

18 comments:

  1. Oh my I thought I was the only one that felt guilty after I buy something for myself.
    I love looking at shoes! We will be out to eat and I will see someone wearing a great pair of shoes, I will stop them and tell them I love those shoes and where did you buy them.
    Have a wonderful day! Love your blog and I vote everyday for you!

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  2. LOVE it--the post, the card, you--THANK YOU! I need you to know that I ALWAYS walk in circles around here and am more often than not in a catatonic state. Oh--and more shoes can NEVER be a bad idea...

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  3. Funny girl...maybe you could try Rosetta stone, no telling what you could overhear in Walmart. You could be a secret shopper...really secret.

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  4. I just read your entire blog and I have no words! Really, you are a brave woman! Not everyone are so strong in this life.
    Thank you for sharing so intimate points of your life with others. I do appreciate it and it made me to value my family and friends even more.

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  5. Shoes all the way............. You can learn Spanish when you are fucking 90.

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  6. Bueno, los zapatos estan bonitos pero no compara con saber otro lenguaje. :)
    google translate lol

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    Replies
    1. Acércate para que pueda superar el culo

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    2. I totally did not know that Culo meant THAT. Glad I didn't use that song for my Zumba class :)

      Yall are making me work today.

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  7. I'm already fluent in Spanish so I guess I don't have to feel guilty about buying shoes?? (But I do anyway - I've been wearing the same flip-flops for about a year and a half. They are DISGUSTING.) :) Thanks for commenting no my blog the other day, by the way. Means a lot, comin' from you!

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  8. Shoes...it's always shoes that make me feel better. That and yoga, which is my new current love. Each hour's "practice" is ended with savasanna which means to lie perfectly still. At first I didn't think it was possible for me to do nothing for five whole minutes. But it returns me to my chaotic household a better mommy. I highly recommend it!

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  9. Love those heels and it helps you have amazing legs! ;0)

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  10. I agree that you deserve to buy anything you want, need or don't need, if it makes you happy. I personally bought Bud Light and then drank the evidence. I should have bought shoes! Next time I'm in Louisiana, we're going shopping!

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  11. Your shoes are fabulous and so are you! I buy shoes constantly because they make me smile. I used to do yoga... I miss it. Found you via fb thru Somewhat Sane Mom and Jenn-ism. I'm glad I found you... thanks for sharing your life with us.

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  12. Those are some great shoes!! Way better than learning Spanish.. something I attempted but failed.. lol Im with you on the rosetta stone thing.. they are annoying.. Love your blog

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  13. Shoes rock. I love shoes.

    I found running to keep me obsessed. Only problem with running - my brain still runs....and runs...bawhahahahaha

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  14. OMG I love you. Keep up the good work. This is my favorite by far...

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  15. Those shoes are the たわごと. Hehehehehe.

    Yoga is absolutely wonderful. This was the DVD that really helped me get started. Rodney Yee is an amazing instructor and his voice is very soothing. I love how he walks you through breathing. That sounds odd but it isn't really.

    http://www.amazon.com/A-M-P-M-Yoga-Rodney-Yee/dp/B00007JME6/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1343074408&sr=8-1&keywords=am+pm+yoga

    I'm not saying you have to buy anything for yourself or anything but if you WERE going to then this would be a good thing to buy and the link is all right there and everything. <3

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  16. Cute shoes.:) I love yoga and the only thing that could make it better would be if I could wear my 5", "Come and get me," heels doing an asana.......

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