October 13, 2012

Spin the good today. It's urgent.


I’m about to do something I don’t do very often.  Post drunk.  I suck at typing when I’m drunk, that’s why I never do it.  It takes me twice as long.  I have been quiet.  When I’m quiet, I’m thinking about never blogging again.  I don’t know why.  It’s this thing I do.  It’s because I don’t really operate on auto pilot, ever.  I’m constantly analyzing, twirling things around, and examining everything from every angle.  I’m just that kind of girl. 

I’m so disturbed and saddened that this family from Colorado is going to bury the dismembered body of their 10 year old.  I have a 10 year old.  I love him so much it makes me mildly insane.  Thinking of this horrible act makes me unable to breathe.  It hurts me, physically.  It takes the core of my body, my spirit, and pulls it right out of my body and squeezes it and tortures it until I feel sick.  What the fucking fuck, you guys?  It’s too bad.  It’s someone’s baby.  I can’t deal with this kind of animal.  May he be caught soon.  God bless that baby’s parents.  If you are a parent, please say a prayer right now.  For all of our babies to remain safe.  In Colorado, far away, someone is living our worst nightmare.  Send them the energy to get through it, because you can’t muster this kind of energy alone.  You don’t need a village.  You need the whole world.  It’s that bad.  I feel sick.

In my own world, which seems stupid and meaningless amongst the horrid events of above, I’m still thinking of getting the darlings a dog for Christmas.  I started searching online at some nearby pet rescue places.  Let me just say something, and then you all can declare war, I don’t really care.  You know why there is an abundance of dogs in shelters?  Because these weirdo dog people won’t give the dogs away.  If you have kids under 6, or under 8 or even under 10 (my God people, just say only adults can have dogs and be done with it!) then they won’t give you a dog.  If you don’t have a fence, no dog.  If this is your first dog, no dog.  Let me tell you something, weirdo dog people.  I’m raising three humans by myself.  I am fucking awesome at it.  I haven’t had a dog in about 20 years.  Does that mean I don’t know how to raise a dog?  NO!  Growing up, we always had a dog.  It’s a DOG.  D.O.G.  Quit putting sad puppies on commercials if you are not going to let highly functioning, smart, normal people have them.  NO COMMON SENSE.  These people assume the dogs are better off euthanized than in my loving home.  Huh?  That’s right.  You’re stupid.

I read an article this week that said more people now die of suicide than car wrecks.  Why?  Pills.  Drug abuse.  This surprises me zero, based on the number of emails I receive each week from newly widowed women with small kids.  It’s starting to feel like an epidemic to me.  Because of the blog I am now a magnet to these women.  I kind of wish I would have found my blog in those early days too.  Maybe that’s why I started publishing the madness.  People, you need to get off all these pills.   It’s killing you.  Pain pills=heroin.  It’s the same thing.  Same drug.  We all grew up hearing “how addictive heroin is”.  Never take it, they told us.  Because you could become hooked by using it just one time.  But doctors hand out these fucking pills in pez dispensers and you people line up in droves with your hands out.  And you’re ruining your lives, and your families.  And you don’t even feel better.  You don’t get relief.  In fact, you feel worse.  So you take more pills.  New pills.  Stronger pills.  Combinations of pills.  It’s all fucked up.  If you wouldn’t dare stick a heroin needle in your arm, then you shouldn’t dare be taking opioid pain pills for any length of time. 

Middle darling is a genius, even though he’s only 5.  We were riding home from school the other day and out of the blue, right after he told me what he ate for lunch and what they played at recess, he asked me where Daddy got his pills from.  I told him they came from the doctor.  I told him that not all doctors really cared about their patients.  Some doctors just want to make a lot of money.  They give you pills even though they know you are getting addicted and not getting better.  They give them to you for a long time.  They notice you are losing weight and looking like death.  They don’t care about your family. They don’t even know if you have one or not.  They are sick of drug seeking weirdos in their office all day so they just hand them out and it’s really gross and sad.  "Yeah, well," he says, "that doctor should be in jail. " Why yes, genius, he should be.  "Well, what are we going to do?" he asks, "so that he doesn’t kill anybody else’s daddy?"

From the mouths of babes.

I would like to change this doctor.  But I know I can't.  Because this world seems really wrong right now.  I told the darlings that I have been thinking of writing a letter to the doctor, and including a picture of our family.  Our family is so awesomely beautiful, and my words are so earth shattering real, that if this man can put his head on his pillow that night and be unchanged, then the world needs to explode right now and be over.  I don’t even care.  Because 10 year old girls are dismembered by maniacs and people commit suicide in front of their kids and it’s all messed up.  I’m a  peaceful, loving person.  I want things to be better.  But these horrible people win sometimes.  We can’t let them.  Madpeople, do good things today.  Everyone.  Because good needs to win.  For the precious girl who is 10, for my precious boy who is 10, for my precious babies who watched their daddy gasp for air and die.  They are only 5 and 3 years old.  Help the world today.  Go out of your way to help.  You simply must.  Make some good.  Seek it.  Spin it.  Make it swirl around.  It matters.
 

24 comments:

  1. Girl, you're awesome, but go to sleep, get some rest. We all need to get drunk and go nut sometimes, and you make some great points. But it's all better in the a.m. Hell, it's New Orleans!

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    1. I had to race in here this morning and take some of the F bombs out! Ha!

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  2. Fucking brilliant, don't worry about posting drunk. Drunk or sober you spin some real shit. Rock on!

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  3. I am sad too, so sad. I am sad for Jessica and her family and especially for her mom who probably blames herself for sleeping while some monster stole her baby. I am sad for the bullied tern Amber who killed herself because she had no one and was so alone and I'm sad for the little girl whose mom glued her hands to the wall and savagely beat her. I. Am. So. Sad. But you're right, there is good and love and kindness. We have to fight the good fight...be the change..be the love.

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  4. I am sad to hear the outcome of the search for that little girl :( I don't watch the news but I've been hearing about it on the radio at work (had the last several days off though...) and my heart has been just sick with worry. What monster could do that to a child?? *sigh* This is kind of why I don't watch the news :(

    The part about animal shelters, though, made me laugh my butt off! I agree with you 100% on that! **So loudly, in fact, that my honey asked me what I was going on about and I read that whole part out loud! LoL**

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  5. You are so right about the doctor thing. I work In child welfare and these doctors write script after fucking script. They know their 'patients' can't take care of their kids... Because we take them away. They don't care because they keep writing and writing. They send those people home in their cars and they are as dangerous as drunks driving around in the middle of the day. It is fucking scary. You are articulate... Get yourself in front of someone important like you congressman or senator...testify in front of congress, seriously. You have power in your words. This shit needs to stop. These fucking doctors have NO accountability and they fucking need to.

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    1. I don't know what would change the moral and ethical values of doctors. They are not all this way, because I have a dear M.D. friend who is so very cautious in the way she prescribes. Alot of these docs are legal drug dealers and nothing else. And it's not just pain pills they push. I saw a commercial the other day that said take this pill for your eczema but it might cause cancer. Who in their RIGHT MIND would take it? We are conditioned as a society to seek a pill to mask symptoms rather than find true healing. Alternative HEALING methods (ie methods that CAN heal rather than mask) are not covered by insurance. Our health is governed by Pfizer and Merck Pharmaceuticals...you think they give a shit about our families? I don't even know why internists go to medical school anymore. All most of them do is prescribe pills all day. Pills delivered to them in giant suitcases by well dressed yuppies. They deliver their wares in a Lexus, bring them a catered lunch and then collect a handsome reward for legalized drug dealing. The opium in those pills is the same as the opium in heroin. The heroin that is delivered to a street corner in the hood, snatched up with dirty hands and tattered clothes. There is no catered lunch and no lexus. But the rest is all the same. Let me just say again AMERICANS ARE FUCKING STUPID. Why is this acceptable as a society? I don't know what to do, but I do feel I want to scream and yell about it until people listen.

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    2. Well, Jesus Christ scream, stomp your fucking feet and act like a 2 year old until someone listens. You are right, you are right, you are right... But nothing changes until someone starts acting a toddler throwing a tantrum! People hate that shit! Seriously, Nothing changes until someone starts the fire... It is insane. Those pills kill moms, dads, brothers, sisters, children, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, co-workers, etc., etc. We continue on like no one is to be held accountable. When I fuck up at my job, I get fired. When someone dies that they prescribe to, what happens, seriously... What? I don't get it.

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  6. You are right fking on!! Do not stop thinking, or writing and scream at the top of your lungs. You will not scream alone! That being said...I am not a pill addict and have never lost a family member to the disease...however, I don't like pain and I seem to be waking up with more and more of it the older I get. I do like the occasional lower dose pain pill...I can make a one month script last 3 years, no shit. Same with xanax, which I also LOVE...when I absolutely, positively do not want to see heads roll by my own hand because hormones and stupidity have taken my heart and mind hostage. My point being...I hate being treated as though I'm a drug addict when all I want is a nerve pill before the dentist and a hydro for after because, I'm sorry but 600 mg of Ibu just really don't friggin cut it! (and truly, I have made scripts of these last so far beyond their expiration dates I've kept the bottles for proof!)These doctors really do need to prescribe on a case by case basis and really pay attention. And yes, I do realize some times the abusers are hard to recognize but still - they could at least make a flippin effort! If you read my response this far, then let me tell you again...please, keep writing. YOU are making an effort and YOU are changing lives. Keep screaming!!sb

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  7. I don't drunk blog...I drunk FB. That way only my friends who know I'm seriously fucked up to begin with know I've been drinking lol.

    I know exactly what you mean about the Colorado family. I have a 9 year old and a 13 year old. Both of them pulled 'disappearing acts' this summer where nobody could find them for hours and this exact scenario is the first thing that runs through a parent's mind - some effing psycho got their mitts on my kid. I was watching the news the other night when they found the body and just cried.

    The shelters are 'trying' to keep the dogs safe. But yes, they are over regulating and missing so many opportunities for loving families to save an animal ... just because of those very facts you stated.

    Drug abuse is friggin crazy rampant in America. Especially Rx drug abuse. How in the hell these people are getting all these Rx drugs is beyond me when I have to get permission from the god dang friggin Pope for chrissake to get my son's Vyvanse filled 4 days ahead of time! People just don't effing think hon. It seems that we've lost the ability to use the common sense God gave us and just cannot think anymore. Sad too...I swear I wanna turn back time on a daily basis to the way things were back in the 60s when life was effing normal ffs!

    Your son is a genius - seriously - to have that much insight at such a young age. I hope and pray to God he never loses it. Write the doctor, include the photo - fucking scream your heart out at him on paper. I would totally sue his ass ... you keep hunting and the right lawyer IS out there who would take your case on.

    I'm in total agreement with you ... I try and go out of my way to help make the world a better place each day ... to spread some love. The world needs more love ... less hate and violence.

    Right there with you my friend, spinning and swirling the love. It DOES matter.

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  8. You make a lot of sense when you are drunk. My heart is broken for that little girl and her family. I wish nothing but misery, suffering and death to the monster who did this to her.

    And if you get a dog, do yourself a huge favor and get yourself one that doesn't shed. And not a puppy. I was never more miserable than when I had a shedding dog. All that hair on top of all the other mess that the kids made. I was in a constant state of panic trying to keep it all clean and not have the kids or myself walk out the door covered in fur. I now have a standard poodle that I got when he was 3 and he is a dream. He's never peed on, chewed up or shedded on anything in my house.

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  9. Once again, you are dead on! Living in Florida, I am in the equivalent of Columbia as far as prescription drugs is concerned (no offense to all of the nice people in Columbia...but you know what I mean). It is sad, it is scary as hell, and it is abundant down here on every single street corner. Our governor even has a stake in big business pharmaceuticals.
    As far as the precious little girl that was so tragically taken, I have no words to adequately express what I feel. I get a knot in my throat just thinking about it. I am a single mom as well to an 8 year old little boy that is my world. I personally put him on the bus that is at the very end of our little cul-de-sac BECAUSE of all of the crazies out there.
    I hope you find a dog for the little darlings for Christmas from a shelter or organization that isn't being ridiculous about the process, you deserve a new furry four-legged member for your little family. :)

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  10. God I love you.

    And yes, those dog-people are fucking weird. All you have to do is lie, you know? It's a completely forgivable lie, because you're saving the dog's life. I love my dog. I totally lied to get him. He is love wrapped in a fur coat. In fact, I don't think I'm going overboard when I say that if people were more like dogs we wouldn't have these horrific tragedies. Dogs are the most honest, loyal, selfless creatures. (Um... don't get a baby puppy dog though, unless you're looking to replace every single thing in your house once it's past the chewing/pissing/pooping in the house phase.)

    Gonna go hug my babies in their bed right now, because of you.

    Sorry for the long comment. I'm tipsy.

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  12. i love you. and you are a much better drunk blogger than me.

    And I'm enjoying being the little spoon, but still vote for your tiny ass every day as well.
    See you in November :) Want me to kidnap you a dog and bring it with me?

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  13. You need to blog drunk more often. Period.

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  14. So sorry of what has happened to this little girl. There are so many cruel people in this world hurting, harming and killing innocent people. A child's life is lost and a family is ruined, all because of someone insane act.

    May her soul rest in peace and her family be consoled in this time of pain and grief.

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  16. I'm on it - good will be done today. I will. I promise you.

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  17. OMG I just stumbled across your blog and I am really enjoying reading it. I had the SAME EXPERIENCE with dog rescuers and when I wrote about it for my newspaper column, I was absolutely vilifed by the entire dog rescue community! You can't believe it. Some of them are still hating on me. But I stand by what I wrote. http://www.ocregister.com/articles/dog-289904-kids-shelter.html

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  18. Actually, my mistake, this is the link I meant to share. http://themomblog.blog.ocregister.com/2008/08/04/want-a-dog-fill-out-this-87-page-form-and-empty-your-wallet/898/

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  19. If the shelters are shutting you down, try a local rescue. Check on Facebook...there are TONS of rescues that are breed-specific as well as all kids of fur-kids to choose from. As for Jessica...there are no words. I have a 7-year old daughter and I can't imagine what that family is going through...or what your family has gone through. Keep writing...and ABSOLUTELY give that "doctor" a piece of your mind. The oath he took specifically says "First, do no harm." Something he obviously doesn't give a fuck about.

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  20. Genius idea....I think I'll send a picture of our family to Andre's ASSHOLE DOCTOR, too! Not that it will do any good. The morbidly obese fucker obviously didn't care then. Why would he care now? You think he would have sent at least a sympathy card. On second thought, he's a Psychiatrist. He has no sympathy.

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  21. I really like your blog. I am sorry for all you have gone through but please don't demonize all who are on long term opiods. I It is indeed a providers responsibility to provide for a patient in a safe way, but to many people with chronic pain have lived with fucked up stigmas based on ignorance.

    I am sorry about your spouse- about anyone's spouse.

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