October 26, 2012

Things You Need

I’ve been tired and run down with a cold the last few days, so I decided yesterday to DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING.   I never ever do that.  I must say it was quite nice and I feel more energized today.  I'm also a little bit scared that I might want to do that alot more.  I was thinking about the Holidays getting near, and was tempted to start shopping online.  I think that might be my new method of shopping this year, because I will buy less.  I get impulsive otherwise.  This led me to thinking about things I like, and this rug I really want...so  instead of shopping online, I decided to save my  money and make a list of a few clever things I think you need. 

Pure Komachi knives.  Every.single.person. who has ever used these knives at my house wants them.  I have the 6 inch chef knife, which is lavender colored, the blue fish knife, and the red tomato knife.  I love them all.  Best thing about them:  they’re ten dollars, baby.  They are lightweight and super easy to sharpen.  These knives taught me how to chop like a professional.  If you watch me chop, you will think I’m some kind of sous chef.  My brother gave me these knives years ago.  I still get a tingly feeling when I take them out of the drawer.  A few times a year I sharpen them on a sharpening steel, and I think everyone has one of those in their utensil drawer somewhere, right?  It came with the knives you received as a wedding gift in 1995.  I’m not a professional knife sharpener, and I’m not aware of any tricky angles, but this isn’t rocket science like some people want you to believe.  I make a few passes on the tool thing-y and they are like new.  Don’t put them in the dishwasher.
A rotating facial cleansing brush.  There are a variety on the market.  Olay sells one for $30, and I’ve seen them for up to $150.   I can’t imagine why one is so much better than the other.  I have the $30 one and if I don’t use it for a while, then suddenly use it, I get compliments on my dewy complexion all day.  This happens every time I use it, so it’s no bullshit.  If you’re over 35, you need this.  Men too.

A sonicare truthbrush.  Because are you still just manually brushing your teeth?  If you are, they are not as clean as they can be and I might be able to tell by your breath.  You’re in a panic now, aren’t you?  I know this is expensive, but it’s one of those things that pays for itself over time.  Before I had this toothbrush, I would go to the dentist for cleanings and the hygienists would scrape and poke and hurt and scare me.  I actually go to the dentist less now because of this toothbrush, and when I go, there is no scraping and poking.  They say, “You use a sonicare don’t you?  I can tell.”  One less trip to the dentist and you’ve paid for it.  Can’t live without this.
A squishy pillow.  In my house, everyone fights over my pillow.  It’s a white goose down pillow that was a splurge item for me after Katrina.  I cannot sleep on another pillow, period.  Check around for sales.  If you have allergies, you can put an allergy cover on it.  When my head hits this pillow at night, it’s a happy feeling.  I can’t be as happy with any other pillow.  Be selective about the down.  Cheaper feather pillows allow sharp quills to poke through.  That shit can blind you and is not cozy.  Nothing has ever poked through this pillow.

My sofa.  I love my sofa.  I coveted this Pottery Barn sofa for years.  It was $3500.  I would lovingly stroke it in the store, and even drool on it, then the ladies would say, “Ma’am, may we help you?”  and I would be jolted back to reality.  Of course I could never get the sofa.  Doomed to cheap, ugly sofas, because of my house full of boys superhero sofa jumpers.  Then one day, I discovered sofacraft.org.  They sold the exact same Pottery Barn sofa, for about $675.  MADE THE SAME WAY.  WITH THE SAME FABRIC.  This is no lie, people.  I selected fabric and had it shipped for under $300.  I got extra durable, dense cushions on purpose.  I wanted it to be uncomfortable to everyone so they would just stay the hell off of it.  I’ll never forget when it was delivered.  It was all wrapped up and the guys set it down in my foyer and two of the boys ran to jump on it, and they bounced off.  Ecstatic, I jumped up and down and squealed, “It repels children!”  Oh, what a happy day.
This rug.  Ok. Seriously.  I don’t have this rug. 
 But I want it.  Oh, how I want it.  But I can't have this with my snot bag children.  So I got this one instead. 
It’s in their play room.  It’s indoor/outdoor polypropylene fiber.  So, if little darling spills his apple juice just a little bit and then steps on 4 goldfish in the same wet spot, which normally makes sort of a slop pig paste, then I’ma just take it outside and blast the shit with the hose, ya hurd?  It’s plastic.  But I swear it still feels soft to the touch and looks nice with a thick rug pad under it.    I wouldn’t put it in my living room, but it’s perfect for their playroom.   This could go under a casual dining room table too.   Designers are using them alot in kitchens now as well.  Although I don't think they're using $87 rugs like my zebra find.  They're more like a few hundred.  Still inexpensive for a rug, though.  This market has come a long way since we were kids and indoor/outdoor carpet was that green golf course looking crap.  I think manufacturers are starting to realize there is a market for this type of rug to be used indoors...you know, the kind you can hose off because kids are pigs who ruin our shit.  Next, I might write a list called, "Shit my kids ruined."


  1. OMFG an em-effing pink knife!!!!!! Thank you for this. Actually, BLESS you for showing me this knife. *swoon*

  2. I use Cutco knives that I sold in college for about two weeks. They are outrageously expensive and nobody I knew could afford them so I only sold like two single knives. Anyway I still have the demo set 12 years later, and what they told me is true: They never need sharpening. I might have to supplement my set with one of those Komachi knives, though.

  3. My sister has one of those knifes and when I saw it in her kitchen I thought it was fake. (I don't know why, it just looked completely plastic to me.) I grabbed it and shouted, "Is this thing real?!" She looked terrified and told me it was real and very sharp. After I put it down she said she was afraid I was going to try and stab her with it because I thought it was fake. (?) The hell? I don't know who that means is more crazy, her for thinking that or me because that's what she thinks of me.

  4. Hehe..how about an entire website dedicated to the shit kids have ruined? http://www.shitmykidsruined.com/

  5. I'm SO refreshed to hear someone explicitly support the facial scrubber! My friend bought one at Costco a year or so ago and she convinced me to buy one, too. We're pretty broke, so the $50 it cost seemed a bit steep... And I've been negligent in actually using it! Probably because I see it as one of those too-special-to-actually-use sort of gadgets. In any case, it's always nice to get a second opinion. And I totally went vicariously shopping with you through this post. Rad.