November 21, 2012
I’m in the asshole free zone because we had a meeting of the Assholes Anonymous Club last night. The muthas ate, drank and were merry. I have come to the conclusion that vodka is a health food. Everything else makes me so hungover. But vodka never does. Hence, it’s health benefits.
Many people are gearing up for Thanksgiving festivities. Last year, I wanted to sling all the food to the floor, kick the table over, then scream and pull my hair like a madwoman. There seemed to be zero to be thankful about. If I had to pick something last year, I guess I could have said I was thankful that I had still managed not to be a violent psychopath, in spite of the gods repeated taunting.
I remember turning the radio up on the way home so my kids couldn’t hear the animal noises that exited my throat while I made ugly cry faces and tried not to scare them. Forcing my body to start the car, drive the car, pay attention to the road…it required monumental effort. I was a dead soul in a live body. I did it for the kids, and then I came home and got in bed.
It was the first real holiday without him, not counting Halloween. I got through Halloween by running up the stairs repeatedly in my Batgirl costume to do shots of Patron.
365 days have passed since then, and I can’t deny that I feel better. I’m thankful for the healing that has been bestowed upon my family over the last year. I’m thankful for the people who have not forsaken us. The people who still remember us, who still have a tight circle around us, the ones who felt our pain and agreed to carry some of it as their own. The Universe does rain down good tidings too. We live with our eyes open, so that we can scoop up every drop.
I won’t lie that I’m still a little nervous about this time of year. But I’ll handle it. I always do. I remind myself that I’m chocked full of all kinds of badassery. As I used to say before a half million people started reading this blog, and I consequently started feeling the social noose around my neck, “I’m the chief of the badass motherfuckers in charge.” I'm gonna live in this world my way.
So, a little advice…to those gathering with family this week. Hold your people close. Even those that are past due for attendance to the Assholes Anonymous meeting. Be forgiving. Be patient. Be kind. Be loving. Be ACCEPTING. Those people are not going to be here one day. Hell, they may not even be here tomorrow. You will never be sorry for doing the right thing. If that shit doesn't work, then kick the table over. At least you tried!
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