January 25, 2013

In Good Company


This parenting stuff.  Easy peasy right?

NO.

I’m so thankful for you crazy muthas.  Yesterday I blogged about how I thought I had some sort of mental disturbance because I’ve been secretly freaked out about my kids dying.  I really didn’t even let on to the true nature of my frightfulness because I didn’t want anyone to call the muscled guys at the mental institution and tell them to trick me into the van.

Your responses have changed my life.  I’m not kidding.  And so, in the spirit of the therapeutic nature of this here blog of mine, I will release my frightfulness into the blogosphere and then file this away under, “Other things they don’t tell you about or you would never have kids.  Or sex.”

When I pull up at school, if big darling is not at the gate, I assume he is bleeding to death through his nose.  He gets a lot of nosebleeds.  I assume that they didn’t call me because they were too busy calling 911.  And while I’m sitting there at the gate, they are in front of the school loading his bloodless body into an ambulance.

If middle darling is not at the gate, I assume he has been kidnapped.  Yep.  I immediately think that he has been lured by a sexual predator into the back of a van full of kitty cats and lollipops.

Little darling likes to sneak into my bed at night.  If he doesn’t, I know it’s because he’s dead.  He’s little enough that he could have all sorts of undiagnosed illnesses that I don’t know about yet.  I’m pretty sure he might be diabetic.  Big darling might have Marfan’s Syndrome too.

The first time I put big darling in his backwards facing car seat as a 6 lb infant and drove off, I was hysterical.  I pulled over twice.  Did these crazy facks actually expect me to drive without looking at him?  DANGEROUS.  Infants do not breathe unless you watch them breathe.  Gheez!  Idiots!

When middle darling was born, big darling was old enough to tell me whether he was pink or blue.  They sat side by side in the backseat, and I would say this, about every five minutes.  “What’s the baby doing?  Is he pink?  Or blue?”  Thankfully big darling always reported that he was pink.

And what kinds of assholes build balconies these days?  On every vacation to the beach, I would walk in the condo and rip open that big curtain to inspect the balcony.  I always imagined that the construction workers were alcoholics, and some of the nuts and bolts would be faulty.  Then I’d have to drag my littlest kid to the balcony to see if his head could actually squeeze through the rails.  I’d have to drag all the furniture far away from the balcony, of course.  My boys will quickly tell you how you can die from accidentally falling over a balcony.  If they so much as got near a chair on the balcony, the others would tackle the chair toucher.   Yes indeed.  That’s how I raise ‘em.

Don’t even get me started on falling down onto sharp surfaces.  Little darling once busted his head open, resulting in a scary ER trip with blood gushing everywhere.  I was sure he was dying on the way to the hospital, so I started yelling to just run the red lights, because he was going into a coma.  It never occurred to me he was just sleeping because it was past his bedtime.

Now little darling isn’t allowed to run near anything.  I’m constantly screaming, “You could fall on that and die!”

Sometimes when they are playing outside they scream like they are dying.  Blood curdling, hysterical screams.  When I rip open the door, I am not breathing, I’m in full blown cardiac arrest, and I know full well I will see a child with his arm completely cut off and laying mangled on the ground.  I have actually punished them for this before.

After I blogged yesterday, one of my friends texted me to say that in addition to the horrible visions, her intuition and instincts are so strong, that she is afraid this will make some of them come true.  Several of you commented about that as well.

I am so with you there, muthas.  My intuition is so strong I’m also secretly scared I’m a witch.  I am right way too many times.  I have had premonitions.  I mean seriously, I might be controlling people with my mind.

Just in case I am, I should be directing what I need my way, right?  In that case I just need enough money to stay home and take care of my kids.  Don’t need to be rich or famous or any of that.  I just want to be a mama.  Because even though it has turned me into a crazy, frightful lunatic, apparently I’m in good company.

 
 

33 comments:

  1. A) I laughed and cried through this one...all too familiar. B) I voted.
    C) I heart u.

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  2. It's fun to be a freak-bag hot mess, no? Just me?

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  3. I think weird stuff too... My darlings are 10, 5, and 2. My 5 yr old slept til 9am on Wednesday. I was scared to check on her because I just knew she'd be blue and cold when I walked in. She's had a high fever and cough this week. I gave her tylenol AND Robitussin at 2am. Her death would have been my fault. I snuck in to check her color and breathed a sigh of relief when she was warm, and pink.

    I often walk past my oldest daughter's bedroom door when she's at a sleepover with friends... or even at school. I stand in the doorway and imagine what it would be like if she was kidnapped, or dead. How would I see her room then? What if she NEVER comes home to it?

    At night, since August of last year... the baby has required me to stroke her hair or rub her back, or just hold her hand to sleep. I look upon her innocent face and I just know she's going to be diagnosed with a terminal illness at a young age and that sweet blessing is going to be taken from me.

    And then I click my heels three times and it's all ok. Everything is O. K. And I'm so glad that these horrid scenarios were just part of my overactive imagination.

    You're normal :)

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  4. Guilty. I do this too. Usually about my husband dying in a freak accident and then I spend the next hour planning how I am going to provide/care for them alone. I thought I was just dramatic but it seems I am just a woman. Phew!

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  5. All this time I just thought I was crazy. I probably am, but at least I'm not alone in my insanity. Thank you for this.

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  6. I voted, because your blog is refreshing and my style...compared to that list...good luck.

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  7. So, I am afraid to have another child because that means my son would have to sit in a car seat on the side and not in the center of the car. Which means, someone would t-bone us and kill him. And then I would die. I've also often thought that I cannot have more than one, because if one were to die I would not be living much longer either... and I can't give up and die if there are others left behind, because that's a dick move.

    I used to visualize falling down the stairs while holding the baby, and how it would end up. Or if the ceiling fan were to fall out of the ceiling on his newborn self. Now, I worry about the water heater in the garage exploding and killing him, because they share a wall. I've moved his bed the farthest possible from that wall, but it won't be enough. If I moved him into the other bedroom? It would be easier for someone to break into his window and take him, because the neighbors wouldn't see. In his current bedroom? Someone could drive over our lawn and crash into his bedroom. I want the dog to sleep in his room, so at least I'd hear if someone tried to break in... but what if the dog goes crazy and attacks him in the middle of the night (not that I think my dog would... but it has happened to people)?

    Whenever I hear him move around at night over the monitor, I have to go check. Because if I don't, he won't be there in the morning/won't be breathing/etc.

    I often freak out over the fiance's health too, and wtf would I do if he were gone. I am a basket case and I guess I'm glad that I'm not the only one.

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    1. Dear Unknown. I laughed so hard at your response. Truly. Thank you for being a lunatic.

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  8. I've got two and so far most of my fears revolve around older darling. I'm convinced she has cystic fibrosis. A doctor tested her for it to rule it out and I'm paranoid the test results were wrong or switched. This was 3 years ago. I am also grossly suspicious and and hateful of young boys who I think might try to touch my 6 yo inappropriately. I know someday someone WILL, and she will like it, and all will be ok, but not now. I also see car crashes EVERYWHERE.

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  9. I tell my little girl all the time what can kill her (she's 3). My husband thinks I'm paranoid and scaring her but the way I see it, I'm telling her the truth and hopefully she'll be cautious enough to not endanger her life. Besides, I don't just randomly blurt out scary things, it's appropriate to the situation. For instance, our house has freakishly low second story windows. In her room I have furniture butted up to it so she can't get near it but in the hallway she likes to peek outside. I've yelled at her more than once because she could fall out of it and DIE! And she's into princesses, so I've had to explain to her more than once too, that when real people die, their prince doesn't come and wake them up. They're dead forever. :(

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  10. If I don't watch my 8 year old actually walk into the daycare (5 feet from my car) I just know he would be taken by a crazy man hiding in the bushes.

    The school called one day to say he wasnt' there. I literally threw up! Then she checked the class again and the teacher checked the wrong Jacob as absent. Now when the school calls I instantly think the worst.

    I'm the same damn way with the balcony thing.

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  11. I feel a lot of what you say.... I try not to portray this attitude to my youngest but I secretly worry constantly!

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  12. I thought I was going Crazy when I had my baby and I am normally a super calm undercontrol person (I'm a paramedic anyone elses sick/hurt child is no problem) but once my daughter was born ALL rational thought towards this precious little baby went out the window! I now agree you must watch them so they continue to breathe, I am terrified she will die all the time! This is an instance when a little medical knowledge is a bad thing! First fever = status seizure/coma/death, first cut to the finger = hypovolemic shock/death, first case of croup = respiratory arrest/death, I will die randomly and because my husband is away at work for the weekend she would starve to death/die horribly because I wasn't there to protect her. I swear haven't slept in her 16months of life. And I mean really how do I explain her tragic death to my paramedic husband? I failed not only in my job but in the most important job of being a mom! Its taken me this long to realize I'm not nuts I have just never loved anything more!

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  13. I'm constantly telling my kids everything is going to kill them or animals will eat their faces off. I'm surprised they still want to leave the house. Maybe kids are programmed to take us with a grain of salt just as we're programmed to love them unconditionally despite the heart attacks they give us.

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  14. OMG I am a witch too, well at least I think maybe. LOL I am always right, it drives Hubby crazy. If a situation is going on I already know the outcome, I say do this otherwise this will happen, they always give me an eye roll and do it there own way.... as soon as whatever is done they give me dirty looks, like just because I already knew this shit was gonna happen that it's my fault. I always look at them and say "I'm not saying it". Then one pipes in with "you told us so". Yes, Yes I did!! When are you all gonna learn that I am 20 steps ahead of whatever is going on in my head because I have already worried about it over and over and figured out every possible outcome and know the best possible way to avoid the worst. Nut jobs need to learn the Mom/Witchy-ness crazy insanity worry is really there very own crystal ball and they should just do as I suggest and it will make life better.

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  15. I constantly have nightmares about my husband dying. It is the most horrible thing to wake up to. I worry so much about my son that I too am afraid I am leading him to his demise. I guess I need to sign up for the basket case club because if there is one I'd be leading it.

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  16. Hi! Nice meeting you at Saints and Sinners! How appropriate! LOL I love your blog! Very entertaining considering all the "seriously-that-really-did-happen" things that life can throw at us without warning! Your take on it shows what a resilient and awesome woman you are! Happy to have met you and hope to see you again soon! Lorie Lund

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  17. I am reading your blog while in the hospital with my nine week old son who has rsv. I KNEW we would end up in the hospital, by ambulance no less, after I randomly saw a n old friend who is an EMT twice last week. It flashed through my mind that we would be here and that he would have to take us. He didn't, but his relief co-worker did, and in his ambulance, Damn. Sometimes it really sucks to be right.

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    1. Ugh..rsv..the worst. My son got it back in nov. He was 11 mos. It turned into bronchitis but luckily He was Not hospitalized. I know when they're very little they are almost always admitted. However, he just spent a week in the hospital with pneumonia..double ugh. He seems to be on the mend but we're only halfway through winter. I will Say a prayer for your baby. It's awful.

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  18. I am reading your blog while in the hospital with my nine week old son who has RSV. I knew we would end up here after seeing and old friend who is an EMT randomly twice last week. The though of it flashed through my mind that he would
    be bringing us to the hospital. I was almost right, his relief co-worker brought us in the ambulance he usually works in. I do hate being right sometimes.

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  19. I've got one in college and one in pull-ups (NOW you've met crazy!!!) I hate to tell you the fears never go away but they do find a place to rest more comfortably and then only resurface from manic episodes or things like driving lessons ( at which time you will most certainly fear your own death as well as theirs!!) Love the honesty and I'm adding you to my list!! Maybe visit my blog sometimes- I'm nuts too ;) stefunnysoundsaboutright.blogspot.com

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  20. I too have those crazy thoughts I am always doing the sign of the cross and knocking on wood, so not only am I nuts but I must look nuts too.... my mother always says say a prayer when you have those thoughts .... by the way I love your blog... you really need to put this into a book someday :>)

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  21. Even with 3 kids I thought "Oh by the 3rd one I won't be as frantic all the time!" Well NOPE I am a freak as well, I have 3 girls & this 3rd one is the MOST active, daredevil, follower of the 3 girls. I am scared she will get hit by a car, I feel bad even typing it cause I fear I will cause it to happen. I have vivid dreams about this!!! Tonight I am chasing "slenderman" out of our house, who the hell is Slenderman???

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  22. I am so glad to have found your posts on this, I have a serious case of catastrophizing - especially with my little one. It honestly has to be a normal Mom thing, yet we all walk around thinking we're abnormal. And even if we are, nice to know we're in it together!!!!

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  23. I'm glad to know I'm not the only mother/woman/human being that thinks these morbid thoughts. I ALWAYS think the worst. I always hope and pray for the best, but I'm constantly afraid the worst will happen. I'm the mom who tells her three-year-old to "stop running cuz you'll bust your face" "don't touch that cuz you'll get sick" etc. etc. etc. Thanks for sharing and I'm glad I happened upon your blog. I was also shocked to read the little story about your life in the upper right-hand red box. Wow.

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  24. hahah, The "pink or blue" part made me laugh because Id do the same thing. Its so good to hear Im not the only crazy mom.

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  25. Parenting easy?? haha You're hilarious! I completely understand how you feel though! There are nights I pour myself into bed thinking who in their right mind ever thought to put me in charge of children?!? Then I laugh at myself and remember that the whole reason I'm having problems is because typically they're in charge not me! ;-)

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  26. I had two girls. Which now I can proudly call women. Trust me you never stop worring, I see newscast on tv and call them up to see if there okay. A mother never stops worring about their babies!
    It is always there.
    If it wasn't I would be more worried!
    Many Blessings!
    L

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  27. Thank the Lord Almighty!!! I am not a complete lunatic!! I come from a major world of fudged upness! When I was much, much younger my younger brother & sister were taken in the night by their biological father, traumatized?? Naw, Fudged Up!! I always fear that my girls will be taken in the night like them, especially when that facker is in town!!! Thank God for you Mad Woman, if it wasn't for you I might haved committed myself!!!!

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  28. I have walked to the edge of death with my two year old. I stood there and watched him nearly suffocate to death because of a piece of food was stuck in his throat and wouldn't come out, no matter how many times my husband, or the doctor who happened to have an office next door, tired the Heimlic. He was blue, limp, and dying. We were lucky that day (and told so by more than one doctor), we got our baby back from the edge, without any lasting affects as well. A part of me wanted to put the child on a liquid diet for the rest of his life. But, the realistic side of me kicked in and said I have to let him eat soild foods again because he needs to live a normal life. So my life will forever be a balancing act between being overprotective and letting my kids be kids. I am always one step away from wrapping my kids in bubble wrap for the rest of their lives. Parenting, not for the weak!!!

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  29. Come on and Blog some more and help this mutha out please........




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  30. I'm so glad to read this. I think its natural...well now I do. Especially after trauma. After almost losing my little one multiple times (in pregnancy and in the3 first few months) then losing my Dad soon after, I just assume the worst is about to happen. Things like Sandy Hook (which is in my neck of the woods) make this even more in the front of my mind. Some days I have to force myself not to pick up the baby from daycare early b/c my mind is convinced she's in danger. I'm trying to learn that "there's no reason she shouldn't grow up and live a long life"
    Here's hoping we can both convince ourselves

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  31. I just found your blog the other day and have been reading my way through from the beginning. I had to comment on this post though because it rang so true for me! I lost both my parents at a young age and since I was 12 I have had a constant fear that either I was dying or someone else close to me was. I have dreams about it, and even concoct elaborate scenarios in my head about how it happens sending myself into a full panic attack. God forbid one of my kids doesn’t answer a text message 2 minutes after I’ve sent it, because I’m already imagining them in someone’s trunk having been kidnapped and driven miles away to a deserted spot where I’ll never find them. The medication I’m on helps but it also helps to know I’m not the only one who does this!

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