February 13, 2013

Aaah Vacation

I got slightly panicky a few weeks ago when I pulled the kids' calendars from their school folders and remembered that they were off an entire week for Mardi Gras.  I love my darlings.  I really do.  But I wasn't exactly looking forward to a week off with them at home.

I started googling where we could travel by car because airfare is so expensive for an entire family.  Unfortunately, I'm not a great vehicle traveller.  By about hour six, I really start considering just jumping from the vehicle.  I'm basically an infant.

Before I knew it, I had booked airfare to the mountains of North Carolina for all of us.  Honestly, I blame the Hot Mess.  She's always going on about her vacations and how we should DO MORE not HAVE MORE, and it's true.

As soon as I pressed the buy tickets button, I had a mini panic attack.  What if we ended up like that Jon and Kate Plus 8 episode, where they were stuck on the tarmac for six grueling hours, forbidden to disembark the plane.  She was crying and pulling her hair and the kids were going insane.  I quickly calmed myself down by deciding if that happened, I would feign a heart attack and they'd have no choice but to let us off.  Remember how we taught ourselves to faint in eighth grade?  Yeah, I still remember how to do that, and don't think I wouldn't stoop to that level in a crises situation.

It wasn't too difficult to convince my niece to accompany us on a snow skiing vacation.  Hopefully she forgets how much energy my boys have before it's time for us to book another trip.

I might have been a snow skiing mountain girl in another life, and I possibly died in that other life by being bitten by a spider the size of a mouse, or by careening off a winding, narrow mountain road engulfed in a soupy fog.

I won't bore with you the vacation details, but I do need to address a few things about vacations in general.  First, do the housekeepers really wash the sheets?  How do we know?  Did they really wash the dishes?  Or did they just give them a quick rinse without soap?  Whose naked, smelly, hairy ass sat on this couch?  You see where I'm going here?  It doesn't matter if I'm in the Taj Mahal or the Super 8, this is where my neurotic brain leads me on vacation.

Little darling sets his pop tart on the bare counter, and I immediately wonder if the honeymooners screwed right there on the counter and the housekeepers didn't wash the counter with soap.

These towels...well...they don't smell like my towels.  I imagine a big, fat, scaly, smelly guy pulling the towel front to back between his legs.  What the FACK is wrong with me?

Does anyone else do this?  I fear I'm a neurotic mess.  Sometimes in a restaurant I look at the people putting the silverware in their mouths, and I almost can't put the silverware I'm holding in my mouth again.  What if it fell on the floor?

Remember this picture?

Yeah...you know that really happens.

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed my vacation, as did the boys.  We so deserved this.  I'm so glad we did it.  And now I know I can do it.  I can travel with these boys and have fun and relax and count on them to cooperate and that's such an awesome thing.


  1. Madwoman, I adore you, your thinking and yep, I think those things especially when I'm in a Super 8. It can literally make me gag, so I force myself not to think about it too long.

  2. I don't usually fret about that stuff, but I know it happens. I used to work at a Hardee's and personally saw someone lick hamburger patties before throwing them on the grill. The same guy even peed in the pickle bucket. Stuff like that happened all the time and I would imagine is pretty commonplace at most resataurants.

    Places staffed by a bunch of immature teenagers will have that sort of thing going on.

  3. If the employees don't eat there, there is a good reason. Having been a maid I can honestly say I never just rinsed the sheets. Maids want that shit clean too because they have to touch it in order to make up the beds and put towels on the shelf and towel racks. So I bet they are clean almost all of the time. The bedspread however... those are only washed every week or so.
    One sure way to tell if a room has been cleaned or not is to look for hair. People shed hair all day every day, from all over their bodies. If you don't see hair in the tub, in the little corners of the bathroom, on the pillow cases, it's probably good to go!

    I'm glad you all were able to get out and enjoy yourselves!!


  4. I can get past most of those, but now I shall always imagine a "big, fat, scaly, smelly guy pulling the towel front to back between his legs." Thaaaaaaanks for that. ;)

  5. You just added a crap load of new issues for me to worry about when travelling! My fear is bed bugs- (the Hub is an exterminator). The only travelling we do it camping, where the bugs are supposed to be...

  6. Most of that never crossed my mind. And then I got married to a guy that travels with work and stays in a lot of motels. The first thing he does is remove the bed spread. Coffee pot in the room was possibly washed with the same cloth that wiped the toilet so no coffee for me. And hot tubs? Ya, he pretty much ruined me on those too! You are not alone.sb

  7. I just found you- I don't know how, exactly (but I'm pretty sure it has something to do with google).
    I, also, live in New Orleans, and have a blog, and hate Walmart, did suffer from PMS (not anymore- there are OTHER things now), have many Mardi Gras stories, love the Muses, and hate gloomy days. Except I'm from NE Ohio and NOLA weather seems like I'm finally getting good karma payback for 40+ years of hunkerin' down and diggin' out.
    Your story has left me speechless- really (if you disregard all of the above).

  8. Geez it's good when you suddenly learn you are not alone! I recently took my 5 kids on a road trip across Australia & scrutinised the beds and bathrooms of every place we stayed. Yep, I'm a pube hunter. Just the thought of finding someone's curly in my bed or bathroom make me want to regurgitate. The rational part of me says they have strict cleanliness guidelines, but the other part tells me their are some lazy corner cutters everywhere.

    Lisa @ Cut My Milk

  9. I bought an RV...so much nicer. your own home, take it anywhere, and its your dirt! I love it. campground prices are soooo much cheaper, you get to enjoy the outdoors, sleep in your own bed, cook with your dishes, kids have toys, clothes and everything you need. Gas will be about the same as airfare, but it nice to bring your other "house" with you...love it..ill be honest and say haven't vacationed in it as much as i would like, but i havent stayed in a motel in a long long time. you can rent RV's too, its a nice change. I live in the mountains and people are always coming to my house for vacation! But if i do stay in a motel i will now have so many more things to look for because my anxiety about stranger germs wasn't high enough. Thaaaaaaanks LOL

  10. I have been inspecting restaurant bathrooms since I was a little kid. When my parents finally ask me once why exactly I had to go to the bathroom in every restaurant we visited before I would eat, I told them "If there bathrooms are really dirty and they should be clean, what does the kitchen look like? We aren't even allowed to go in there to see! So I judge by the bathroom." I was like 4-6, funny thing was for the next year at least one of my parents also went to the bathroom before we even ordered. LOL

    Oh and thanks for the "Whose naked, smelly, hairy ass sat on this couch?" because that was the only one I was missing (I always over focus on beds and any food wares of any kind)! Now I have issue with couches too! Crap!

  11. Oh how I envy my future as you! Vacationing with THREE children! I don't think I will have the guts to do this until mine are all out of diapers and in school full-time. For now, I trudge through these LONG days when my oldest beauty is on break and drink more to feel like I am getting something out of it, too! Loved this post:).

  12. You are totally acting like a great superwoman mom! And you are! :D

  13. OMG.. you are me on vacation. I cannot walk with bare feet on the rug or floors in hotels. If I don't have flip flops I stand on a towel in the shower. Sorta like college dorm days.. its not cool to share others' heebie-jeebies.

  14. Thanks for that mental image! I'm never going to be able to relax in a hotel again now haha

  15. Whenever we go on vacation, my husband makes me wash every dish/silveware that we may use in the dishwasher on high heat. I also wash the comforters before we get in the bed and spray everything with lysol. You are not alone.

  16. Oh gosh, I know what it's like to know that the kids will be out of school for a week. I'm already blowing my top off if it's just a day. You should've seen me last week when it was picture-taking #2 (spring pictures). Like, really? I didn't have picture-taking TWICE in a school year -- that's just ridiculous. But, new age!

    Oh man, LMFAO on the dirty arse on the counter of pop tarts. HAHA. Imagine that. That's the only thing about hotel rooms right. Being the fact you NEVER know wth happened the night before you got there! Yikes. I had that experience with actually finding a pad a dirty one at that in the trash can -- and towels was folded neatly so you would've thought it was clean -- I mean, the sign on the counter said YOU'RE ROOM IS CLEAN, ENJOY. C'mon you liars! So, front desk was SO SO SORRY let me tell you.

    I wish it was easy to book a flight and book it to the mountains. See, I live in Hawaii -- we have a lot to do -- although, the island I'm on -- it can be a bit expensive to DRIVE and JUST DRIVE -- it's $4.61/gal. C'mon really?!?!?! I refuse. Even to find things for my kids to do online -- is overwhelming enough.

    My daughter likes to press our buttons. My poor son. My kids are DD (5), DS (2). Imagine that.

    Anyways, keep your head up mama. You're doing an awesome job *WINK*.

  17. I my gosh I am just counting down the day until both boys are out for spring break. I love them but a week off and its been rainy this house will go nuts. I guess I will have to plan some sort of fun for them