May 21, 2013

Fuck that day


I was grocery shopping with all three of the darlings this week.  Madpeople, I’m getting so good at this.  A man even stopped us to comment that it was nice to see a mom shopping with her kids and not looking completely frazzled and bent, but instead laughing and being happy and calm.  My response was to laugh.  I clearly remember blogging about being completely overwhelmed and fighting with assholes in the store last year.  I think it took me a solid year and a half to get used to being a single mom.

When we arrived at the display which holds the hummus and cheese, I reached down and pulled out a tub of hummus, and checked the date as I normally do.   Good till July 5, 2013.  Immediately an electrical shock ran through me and I felt my asshole quiver.  D=Day.  Son.Of.A.Bitch. 

I’ll count this as my first warning that D-Day is fast approaching, no matter what I do.   There’s no stopping the calendar.  The arrival of June brings our wedding anniversary, Father’s Day, Dave’s birthday, and then D-Day…all in a span of 30 days.  On my next shopping excursion I need to buy some big girl panties to get ready for the onslaught.  Maybe this year I’ll go for a nice thong.  I’ma try not to wear depends and be in the fetal position with a pack of lit cigarettes in my mouth and one of those silly drinking hats on…you know the kind that holds a gallon of Tito’s vodka and has two straws going directly into your word hole?

Yesterday I was lying on the bed with the littlest darling.  He’s so insanely cute that I was trying to figure out how to just eat him up.  I was tickling him and he was laughing the cutest laugh that has ever fallen over the earth.  Then all of sudden “Dave” flashed across my mind.  It was intense.  I quickly pushed it away, as I am so good at doing.  I didn’t skip a beat….I said nothing….just kept laughing and tickling.  In that instant baby darling went from laughing to crying.  Just like that.  I scooped him up and asked him what was wrong.  “I miss daddy” he cried.  Shivers.  The veil was lifted for an instant.  We are still too wounded.

The two littles are already done with school, and big darling has only a couple days left.  I’m so excited to spend summer with these boys.  Please remind me of this in August when I am lamenting that I haven’t had four minutes to myself in three solid months and I am mere seconds away from clawing my hair out and running wildly down the street while babbling incoherently.  At the very least, remind me to drink more or get a prescription for medical marijuana.

In other news, I stepped on a dead rat while barefoot the other day.  Actually, it was just the rat head and tail, the middle part of the body must’ve gotten eaten.  I realize this will cause many of you to believe that I live in a garbage dump.  I swear I don’t.  I had to quickly spray bleach on the bottom of my foot.  Then I had to pick up the body parts and throw them away.  Ya hurd me?  I had to handle a fucking rat.  Big darling assisted for moral support and to hold the flashlight.  I put my hand inside three plastic bags and picked it up like I see people doing when their dogs shit in my yard.  Through three bags, I could still feel the squishy-ness of the rat flesh.  Through three bags I still thought I could feel some moist rat guts.  I will never get used to doing that kind of thing, and I will curse Dave like a motherfucker every time. 

As soon as I walked inside I found baby darling in the bathroom wiping his own ass.  Why does baby darling think he’s an ass wiper?  He’s always thought he was one.  When middle darling used to yell for me to come wipe him, I would have to sprint really fast to the bathroom in order to beat baby darling there.  I would usually enter to find him running towards the soiled ass with a piece of toilet paper the size of a dime. 



19 comments:

  1. I haven't written for almost two months now. I've missed you ;) Maybe we both need a good kick! Now go buy some more beach towels and get ready for summer break <3

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  2. What a day! Bouncing all over and around DDay, poop, and rats. New Orleans rats. They really are the other white meat here. Glad to see you post.

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  3. I have missed you. When I first found your blog I spent an entire day being unproductive at work reading it from the beginning. I cried, I laughed and I cried some more. Never stop blogging!

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  4. Hang in there. It will never ever get OK but it will get a little easier to deal with. BUT it's never OK to pick up dead rats -- there's just not enough plastic bags to cover one's hand for that!

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  5. YEA!! I'm so glad you are back!!!!!

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  6. I will always read your blog when you post.. I adore how real you are:)

    I have had to get rid of dead mice, not sure I could get rid of a rat, you are brave girl, really brave:/

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  7. Glad to hear that you are going to write more! I've missed your posts! :)

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  8. Glad to hear that you are going to write more! I've missed your posts! Hope all is well.

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  9. I'm so sorry. April is my month from hell. The anniversary of his proposal is April 4th, our wedding anniversary is April 6th, the last time I ever saw him alive was April 10th, I found him dead at his apartment on April 17, and then of course the funeral, etc. I don't know if this would help, but last year (on the first anniversary), I was seriously fearing for my mental health as April approached, so I decided to make April an anniversary for something new, and I joined the martial art my kids take. This year was still difficult, but it wasn't quite so hard. I'll be thinking of you, my daughter's birthday is July 4th!

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  10. Keep going woman. We're all still here, even if we're silent. I am right there with you on summer break. My big darling started summer break yesterday. It's our first and I'm nervous as what to expect.

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  11. whether you take a break because you need it, or you continue blogging because you need it, just know you continue to touch lives by how honestly and vulnerably you live yours. thank you for sharing

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  12. I'm so glad you are back! I've checked everyday for a new post, I was afraid I'd never get to read your inspiring words of wisdom

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  13. I check in every so often to see if you've posted. It's like Chritmas morning every time you do! Keep it coming. :)

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  14. I have missed you! Thanks for posting! And I do too check everyday!

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  15. You always make me giggle! But seriously the rat got me to hehe and you had me lolin' it at the ass wiper! Glad to see you're holding strong! you're in my thoughts this coming month!

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  16. "toilet paper the size of a dime." Funniest shit ever.

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  17. "toilet paper the size of a dime." Funniest shit ever.

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  18. My little darling thinks she's an ass wiper too! Same thing...she tries to do it with a toilet paper shred the size of a dime. How weird?

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  19. Not sure why I'm just now seeing this?! Been thinking about you a lot; the month of hell. I hope you're doing okay. Going to see my bro's new babies this weekend; can't wait! Know you and the boys are in my prayers; miss you....

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