June 25, 2013

Time to get right

This week my kids entered a special boot camp I’ve created out of desperation.  It’s called 1976.  Remember what we did in the summer of ’76?  Bell bottoms, feathered hair, tube socks and these songs. 

More importantly, in 1976, we climbed trees, drank from the hose, rode bikes, walked to Time Saver for Bubblicious and pop rocks, and played hide and go seek with the neighborhood kids, usually well into the night.  Funny how none of us were kidnapped, raped or maimed, despite not wearing helmets and our parents not having a clue where we were.

We were not allowed to sloth around in the house all day.  My mom’s favorite saying was “Go outside.”

There weren’t elaborate cooked meals for lunch.  We ate baloney sandwiches.  We weren’t aware of other options, like fancy pita breads, grilled Panini sandwiches, and various meat and cheese selections.  Our choice of baloney was with olives or without.

There was no Minecraft, no Xboxes, no cable TV, and no IPhones.  Therefore, none of these things are present in the 1976 camp.  I’m debating whether I will force them to play frogger.  Remember our version of Minecraft?  It was called “Adventure”…it was the game with the dragons…they chased you through those ‘castles’ and you had to find that secret key.

The reason for the camp is because my kids are asses.

I’ve spent 30 days carting them around to festivals and parties.  They’ve been to water parks and to the movies.  Bowling and miniature golf.  They’ve eaten from cool food trucks and have been to several restaurants.  They spent a day in the French Quarter and have been to the Museum of Art.

I’ve finally come to the realization that none of this matters.  They fight and whine and act unappreciative.   And I’m sick of it.

I was so sick of them last week that at one point I actually refused to feed them.  You think I’m kidding?  The muthas were quite amused with this fracas.

They always get a good snack after swimming.  On one particular day, they wanted hashbrowns and eggs with fresh tomatoes and bacon.  They’re accustomed to the waitstaff here.  I smirked and told them hell no.

I refused to feed them.  I told them I wasn’t preparing another meal until they helped me clean the ENTIRE house.  Then I told them as soon as they ate their snack, they were heading outside.  FOR THE DAY.  They were not to come inside until dark.

They whined that they would be hot and thirsty.  I reminded them that they have a pool and a fridge stocked with water and juice boxes.  A far cry from riding my bike all sweaty with a red face in 1976 and drinking from the hose.  I mean seriously, did we even have trees for shade back then?

The day was quite amusing.  They swam.  They rode bikes.  They dug holes in the yard.  They picked tomatoes.  They caught bugs.  They walked to the park.  They brought rocks home from the railroad tracks.  They found old paint in the basement and painted the rocks.  They did not fight.  They did not whine.  And I did not spend a dime.  It was a jackass free zone.

Somehow, we were all righted.

You’re welcome.  Enjoy your right side up day.


  1. Everything could be solved by dancing. Just saying.
    "You should be dancinnnnnn....yeahhhhhhh......" BEEGEES 1976

  2. That is outstanding!!! Even though my daughter is only 15 months, she plays with her cousin who is 10 and they are always outside doing something. The way it should be!!

  3. I love posts like this. I follow another blog by a mom of seven children. One day she got so fed up with searching for other people's lost items that she just stopped. No more. Figure it out yourselves. Somehow, either the lost items were found, or they suddenly weren't that important.

    Every once in a while a mom has to make a stand.


  4. Evergreen Dr. summers were the best!

  5. Love this post! No food in our house was called "Skip It's!" I think we used to have alot of those. We also lived on peanut butter and jelly for most of the summer. Thanks for the smile and giggle and of course the trip back on memory lane..

  6. Oh god - I so needed to read that today. I've got my two step-kids for the summer and they are plastered on the sofa, bickering with each other and asking me every two minutes, no lie, "Do you know something we can dooooo?" Never mind that I run two businesses from home and can't get any work done because I'm entertaining them. Boot Camp starts tomorrow. Thanks

  7. You.Rock! I took away tv, xbox, wii, iPods, iPad, etc (we're so very deprived here in my Evil Lair). Go.Outside.Now.

  8. I have made this decision with my youngest daughter, there will be no cell phones given to her until she is much older and really needs one... she will be spending plenty of time outside playing, using her creative side to make up games and just have fun... The kind of fun I had... I remember those days, just biking, skipping and playing with a ball. I want her to experience this too... there is no reason she shouldn't...

    Awesome post as usual :)

  9. That was perfect! We all need a trip to 1976!!! I've had it with whiney girls that sleep til noon cause that's when I get them up & they won't go to bed or they go in their rooms but find their own entertainment until 1 or 2 am when I get up having a hot flash or needing to pee & to see what's going on, they eat hundreds of dollars worth of crap each week, they get up too late to do anything, they won't pick up their trash, food appears in their rooms, they have meltdowns when electronic stuff needs charging so they take from the sibling which causes screaming! I know people must think I am anti-social. Really I am sparing them from crazy girls & their mother that may just pop off at any given second. I also had a full on fit/attack where the only fun thing we were gonna do was match lost socks & if you complained or needed to be corrected then you got to unload the dishwasher & being too short to reach the cabinets was NO excuse-get a stool & if the sassy lip continued then cleaning the litter box til sparking & scentless was next on the agenda, blame heat, PMS or too much togetherness but I had reached the point of explosion, you would think that would have an impact on them & they'd help out more- HA-they got even MORE slick at hiding their trash, which then causes me to want to dump everything out like an earthquake has occurred & nothing is safe, dresser drawers, bathroom drawers & cabinets & heaven forbid I find food, trash or things ridiculously out of place, we will not live like animals attracting roaches to share the summer with us!

  10. I hate that you can record shows. I hear, can you read the titles to me? It was the same the last 50 times! Remember when we watched what was on and if we didn't like it we turned it off and found something else to do?!

  11. All I can say is AMEN SISTA! I so remember getting water from the hose pipe, and my boys thought I was lying...LOL!

  12. This is a fantastic idea! I love it! My son, only two right now, will be that wierd kid that doesn't get catered to or have 15 game systems and not even know what outside is.

    I know everyone says that but I'm determined I was fine growing up in the 90's without all of it, and so will he. I refuse to get him a cell phone until he is at least 10 (i have reasons for this age) and even then it will be a basic phone!

    Kids are made to be asses these days.

  13. My mommy friends and I talk about this all the time. How did we survive our childhood without being abducted or killed?! I look at my kids who are "so bored" and want to scream. Id like to boot them outside to play all day like I did. But unfortuantly I cant, unless Im with them the entire time. We have had tons of attempted child abductions in my tiny town.


  14. Love it! When I was a kid, we stayed outside until we were forced to go in. These days I have to yell at my kids to turn the electronics off and go outside.