June 25, 2013
Time to get right
This week my kids entered a special boot camp I’ve created out of desperation. It’s called 1976. Remember what we did in the summer of ’76? Bell bottoms, feathered hair, tube socks and these songs.
More importantly, in 1976, we climbed trees, drank from the hose, rode bikes, walked to Time Saver for Bubblicious and pop rocks, and played hide and go seek with the neighborhood kids, usually well into the night. Funny how none of us were kidnapped, raped or maimed, despite not wearing helmets and our parents not having a clue where we were.
We were not allowed to sloth around in the house all day. My mom’s favorite saying was “Go outside.”
There weren’t elaborate cooked meals for lunch. We ate baloney sandwiches. We weren’t aware of other options, like fancy pita breads, grilled Panini sandwiches, and various meat and cheese selections. Our choice of baloney was with olives or without.
There was no Minecraft, no Xboxes, no cable TV, and no IPhones. Therefore, none of these things are present in the 1976 camp. I’m debating whether I will force them to play frogger. Remember our version of Minecraft? It was called “Adventure”…it was the game with the dragons…they chased you through those ‘castles’ and you had to find that secret key.
The reason for the camp is because my kids are asses.
I’ve spent 30 days carting them around to festivals and parties. They’ve been to water parks and to the movies. Bowling and miniature golf. They’ve eaten from cool food trucks and have been to several restaurants. They spent a day in the French Quarter and have been to the Museum of Art.
I’ve finally come to the realization that none of this matters. They fight and whine and act unappreciative. And I’m sick of it.
I was so sick of them last week that at one point I actually refused to feed them. You think I’m kidding? The muthas were quite amused with this fracas.
They always get a good snack after swimming. On one particular day, they wanted hashbrowns and eggs with fresh tomatoes and bacon. They’re accustomed to the waitstaff here. I smirked and told them hell no.
I refused to feed them. I told them I wasn’t preparing another meal until they helped me clean the ENTIRE house. Then I told them as soon as they ate their snack, they were heading outside. FOR THE DAY. They were not to come inside until dark.
They whined that they would be hot and thirsty. I reminded them that they have a pool and a fridge stocked with water and juice boxes. A far cry from riding my bike all sweaty with a red face in 1976 and drinking from the hose. I mean seriously, did we even have trees for shade back then?
The day was quite amusing. They swam. They rode bikes. They dug holes in the yard. They picked tomatoes. They caught bugs. They walked to the park. They brought rocks home from the railroad tracks. They found old paint in the basement and painted the rocks. They did not fight. They did not whine. And I did not spend a dime. It was a jackass free zone.
Somehow, we were all righted.
Now, go here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DX7qvrG9vhc
You’re welcome. Enjoy your right side up day.
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